Merry Christmas!

I am sittiing here writing this, so filled with joy and a desire to somehow give back to all of you even a fraction of what you have given to me. I am so very thankful on this Christmas to have a joy that is 'unspeakable'. I do not take for granted this year, and I pray never again, the hope that is mine in my living Savior. The hope that we all have when we trust in Him. I thank you all for your support and especially for your prayers. I have experienced the 'Body of Christ' through the wonderful love, prayers, and encouragement of so many of you. Just as I have nothing of worth to offer my Savior, I do not know how I could ever repay what I have been blessed with through each of you. I found this poem in my reading this month and I would like to share it with you, it is the best Christmas present I could think of! It is from "Streams in the Desert", there is no credit given for the writer of the poem.

If you have gone a little way ahead of me, call back--
It will cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track;
And if, perhaps, Faith's light is dim, because the oil is low,
Your call will guide my lagging course as wearily I go.

Call back, and tell me that He went with you into the storm;
Call back, and say He kept you when the forest's roots were torn;
That, when the heavens thunder and the earthquake shook the hill,
He bore you up and held you where the lofty air was still.

O friend, call back, and tell me for I cannot see your face;
They say it glows with triumph, and your feet sprint in the race;
But there are mists between us and my spirit eyes are dim,
And I cannot see the glory, though I long for word of Him.

But if you'll say He heard you when your prayer was but a cry,
And if you'll say He saw you through the night's sin-darkened sky--
If you have gone a little way ahead, O friend, call back--
It will cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track.

I am calling back to all of you, we serve an amazing God who is indeed all sufficient and abounding in grace and mercy. He has carried me tenderly thus far, and I know He will continue to answer as I cry out to Him. Isaiah 12:2, 4 "Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation. And in that day you will say 'Give thanks to the Lord, call on His name. Make known His deeds among the peoples; Make them remember that His name is exalted.'"

Five Down, One to Go!

I can hardly believe that I only have one chemo left! The news was all good this week. Praise God, I got to have the treatment on time, that makes 5 for 5...yea God! The doctor is looking forward, he says I am doing so well that I am on "auto pilot". It was a nice reminder to me that God has been my pilot and He is fighting this battle for me. I am doing quite well, it is Wednesday evening and I am tired, but I have eaten very well and have maintained my walk everyday! God has truly covered me with His grace and mercy. I am slow at writing this because I am VERY distracted by all four of my incredible children and their crazy father! It is great to have them all here, and to have the house full of laughter! I am so thankful for them all and for the laughter that only God can provide at such a time as this. I have an appointment on January 6 with the surgeon, and I have a CT scan on February 2. I should have a date for surgery confirmed some time after the appointment with the surgeon. Dr. Limentani says that is normally 4 to 5 weeks after my last chemo, which is scheduled for January 11. I don't really understand all that is involved in the surgery and the reconstruction and I hope to have a better handle of things after my meeting with the surgeon. Please continue to pray, as always, for the cancer to be completely destroyed and for by body to be completely healed. Pray for the wisdom of Dr. Limentani, Dr. Flippo, all of the related staff and doctors and technicians, and for the logistics of everything. I am praying with believing for my complete healing, and I thank you all for praying with us and for us. Please continue to pray for the Passion 2010 conference, for my strength and protection while I am there, and for all of those college kids who are coming together for God! I am so excited to be a part of it and I am trusting that God will be so powerful and lives will be changed. I am praying for the speakers and worship leaders, and for the many volunteers and worker-bees who will be serving behind the scenes but holding everything together! It is amazing to see how God builds His Kingdom, and that He does is with energized college students and He can even use a broken down cancer patient to His glory! Wow, what a God we serve! Luke 1:37 "For nothing will be impossible with God."

Passion

I had my ten day blood labs today and all was great! I must confess that I am a little weary. My labs were very good, but my body is showing signs of the struggle of this horrible disease and the treatment that is used to defeat it. She told me to expect the next two treatments to "get my attention". She said that the effects will not be any more severe or harsh, just lingering a little longer. I have found that 10 days after my last treatment, I am still a little tired and that nasty taste is still with me. I confess to feeling a little weary, it is frustrating to just feel worn out. I really can't complain, I am getting my walk in every day, and I am not idle. I am very thankful for the protection God has put on me. I am so very thankful that I have not been sick, that my treatments are on track, and that the cancer is being defeated. I have a while to go, I know this is a marathon. I ask for prayer for my strength and perseverence. Please pray for Mason to remain strong and patient with me, I must confess that my weariness has produced a little moodiness and perhaps a mini melt-down or two! Please continue to pray for Jillian, Mason Thomas, Alex, and Madi. Pray that they will continue to trust in the Lord, to feel His comfort and love, and that they will be patient as I bow out of things every now and then. Thank you all for your prayers for each of us, and join us as we praise our faithful Father for His amazing grace and healing power. His hand of mercy is felt by each of us and we are thankful in our praise to Him.
Mason and I signed up to volunteer at Passion 2010 back in the spring. The event is January 2 - 5, we believe we have to be there on December 31. If you don't know what this is, it is a college ministry event that is powerfully impactful. Mason and I have such a heart for this age group and for this particular ministry, I really want to be able to fulfill my commitment. This is going to be a powerful time with the Lord, and I want desperately to be a part of it. Please pray that God will protect me and strengthen me so that I will be able to be there.
I have my next treatment on December 21 as long as my labs are good. Please pray that I will be able to take that treatment on time and that my body will remain strong through it. As always, please pray with believing, that the Lord will defeat every cancer cell and that He will be glorified through this journey. We have so many conversations with so many different people everytime we are at the office for the various visits. I want to reflect the love and grace that has so mercifully been poured on me in every word and every deed. Pray that Mason and I will be obedient to what ever the Lord is leading us to. Pray for Dr. Limentani to be wise and attentive as he cares for me. He is at a breast cancer convention this week, please pray that a cure for this evil disease will be found.
I leave you with a passage that my son reminded me of last night. Isaiah 40:31 "Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary."

God is Great!

Yesterday went very well, we were there for quite a long time, a lot of catch up from the Thanksgiving holiday. Mason and I met a lot of people while we were waiting. I'm not sure of everyones stories, but it was all women going through treatment, with husbands there for support. We all laughed a lot! One husband is convinced that his wifes chemo is coming through her skin and entering him, as he is losing his hair. Mason simply affirmed his thought process! If you haven't seen Mason lately, he likes the idea of placing blame on his hair loss!

Dr. Limentani gave us very good news. While lesions are still showing up on my bones, there seems to be little or no activity with them. He explained that since I have cancer on my bones, there is damage to them. It will take about a year after all of the cancer is destroyed for the bones to repair themselves, kind of like when a bone breaks. Until then, lesions will show up on my scans. He saw no cancer in my breasts and can't really tell anymore what he is feeling, could be tissue or could be traces of cancer. On the original CAT scan there were 2 lymphnodes that showed cancer, they are smaller now but still showing cancer. When I asked about that, he said that what doesn't disappear with chemo will be removed with surgery, he was not concerned. He is very pleased, gave us a 'two thumbs up'!

God has been so gracious to us, I am overwhelmed at the love and grace and mercy I have experienced. Mason and the kids would say the same thing. Jillian and Alex made it home and back safely, and we had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Filled with laughter and people, and lot's of love, the Vincent home is overflowing with God's grace! Thank you all so much for praying for us, and walking with us through this journey.

Chemo yesterday went very well. I saw two people who were sent home because their blood labs were low, and a couple of people who had to get extra stuff because they were borderline. I do not take lightly the miracle of how my Lord has so tenderly held me through this. Please continue to pray for my strength and healing. Mason is home now for a while, sometimes I'm not so sure that is a completely good thing! He gets restless, but he needs the rest and he is always thankful once he settles in. The kids are doing great, and we feel so blessed to have them and to watch all of you in action as you love on them and care for them. Thank you for your compassion and prayers!

I keep thinking of Rick's sermon last week. We have been truly blessed by the love, prayers, and support of God's Army, all of you. I was touched by this passage from Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 "Two are better than one, because they haave a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him, and a threefold cord is not quickly broken." Thank you for being such an obedient army, you have picked us up in so many ways; prayer, sending scripture, words of encouragement, loving us and our children, gifts and so much more! God has heard and is blessing all of us!

Please continue to pray for my safety and healing, for the encouragement and growth of Jillian, Mason Thomas, Alex, and Madi, for Mason as he bears such a burden through this, and for all of our suppurt. This is indeed a marathon, and I pray that you all do not grow weary, so we pray often for extra blessing and grace on so many of you, some we don't even know personally! As always, we are asking, with believing, for a miracle.

Blessings to all of you, and I hope that your Thanksgiving was a sweet time of joy and togetherness.

Psalm 103:1 - 5 "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities, Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, Who satisfies your mouth with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

Praise!

I heard from the doctor's office today, while I don't have the official report, the good news is that the cancer is 'stable'. This means that the cancer has not grown or spread to any other areas. This is very good news, and an answer to prayer. I will see the doctor on Monday when I go in for my fourth chemo treatment, and I will know more details then. Helen, his nurse that I spoke with today, says she expects him to be pleased. Thank you for your prayers and please keep them flowing! Pray that my blood levels will be good on Monday and that I remain healthy so that I can continue to stay on track with my treatments. Please continue to ask for a miracle on my behalf, we are asking for the cancer to be completely defeated. Jillian is on her way home now, she should be here around 11 p.m., and Alex is flying in tomorrow, please pray for their safety. We are very excited to have everyone home for a few days, and we realize how truly blessed we are! We wish you all a blessed and joyful Thanksgiving. The Vincent family has much to be thankful for! Psalm 36:5 "Your lovingkindness, O Lord, extends to the heavens, Your faithfulness reaches to the skies."

He is Faithful...

I had my PET scan yesterday and we are somewhat anxiously waiting for the results. I am very grateful for the peace that I have. That is not to say that I am without fear, a little, but I am not paralyzed either. Last night Mason and I went back through the blog from the beginning, remembering where we have come from and the blessings along the way. We cried and laughed and treasured the scriptures that we found and that you all sent to us. All of it reminded us of how good God has been to us, and we are clinging to that as we await yet another test. I have highlighted a few of the scriptures that were a comfort to me along the way, and today. We are amazed at how our Savior has pursued us, blessed us, encouraged us, strengtened us, and loved us through this journey in so many beautiful and creative ways. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement.
Psalm 18:1 - 3 "'I love You, O LORD, my strength.' The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the LORD who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies."
Isaiah 42:16 "I will lead the blind by a way they do not know, in paths they do not know I will guide them. I will make darkness into light before them and rugged places into plains. These are the things I will do, and I will not leave them undone."
Hebrews 4:15, 16 "For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore, let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
Today, as fear tries to creep in, I will seek my Lord and find comfort and strength in Him. I am thankful for Mason, who has been so strong and yet gentle. He has encouraged me and loved me and his faith has kept my faith strong. I am thankful for Jillian, Mason Thomas, Alex, and Madi. I love them so very much, and am blessed to watch them trust the Lord as they walk this journey with their parents. I am touched by how God has blessed them with His grace and mercy, and at how they are learning so much about the Body of Christ and community at such a young age. I am thankful for so many people who have surrounded us and have loved us through prayers! I remember where I was at the beginning of all of this, terrified, frozen, in utter darkness. The day we 'went public' with our diagnosis, the prayers of so many were immediately felt. I watched a peace come over our home and our hearts, and witnessed personally the power of prayer. Thank you for your prayers and your perseverence with us. I am thankful that we have a God who is relational and who is so detailed and sovereign that He directs the prayers of His people. I have heard people pray things that I never even thought of, but was so thankful that they did! I am thankful for so many answered prayers: a strong heart, Alex adjusting at Ohio State, Jillian blossoming in Tallahassee, Mason Thomas being so strong and encouraging to me, Madi still shining bright, no rain delays!, the season being over, strength in chemotherapy, cancer that is being defeated, Dr. Limintani, family and friends, peace that passes all understanding, and kisses from God!
Please continue to pray for good news from the PET scan and for peace as we wait. I continue to cling to God and love this passage from Genisis 15:1 " After these things the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision, saying, 'Do not be afraid, Abram, I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward.'"

Oh, how He loves us!

Tomorrow I have to be at the hospital at 6 a.m. for my PET scan. I have to confess to feelings of anxiety as I face yet another test. Tests on this journey have not been kind to me. Everytime I think I know everything there is to know, it seems that I am facing another test to search for more cancer, just in case. I know that I serve an amazing God, who loves me more than I can ever imagine. He is faithful and good, and He has so tenderly attended to me throughout this journey. I have learned so much, I feel like my brain is spinning as I try to take in all that God is showing me and has done for me in these last few months. I have had a hard time trying to contain my thoughts into words that I could share with each of you. Last week we went to see the David Crowder Band in concert. They played a song that expressed so clearly where I am. As I listened to the first few lines, I was overwhelmed with how personal those words were to me. I am sharing those words with you here, it is a beautiful song and I urge you to find it. This is where I am, and what I know about my God.



He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
And all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

Oh, how He loves us, oh
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves

We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about, the way...

That He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves
Yeah, He loves us.

I am going to spend the next couple of days remembering the ways God has shown His love for me along this journey. I am going to let His word affirm to me His amazing grace and His faithfulness. I am going to beg for His Hand to protect me from the enemy stealing my peace that He has given to me, and trust that He will deliver me. Psalm 94:19 "When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul."

Answered Prayer!

I'm sorry it has been so long since my last post. Madi is improving, but not rebounding very quickly. We took her to the doctor today, they gave her an antibiotic that will hopefully boost her recovery. I am very grateful for the protection God has placed on me, it is truly a miracle that Mason and I have not gotten sick! My third chemo has been very bearable, I am also very aware and appreciative of God's grace in this. I did not have any heartburn that has been plaguing me, and at worst I felt yucky and tired. I walked everyday, which I am so thankful for, but was often in bed by 8:00! Thank you for your prayers, they are truly powerful! I have so much to be thankful for. Mason and I were talking this morning about how truly blessed we are. We ask for your continued prayers for my healing and protection physically. I have my ten day lab apppointment tomorrow, and we ask that once again my levels amaze the doctor. On Monday, the 23rd, I have a PET (?) scan. We are asking that it reveals that the cancer is being defeated in a way that will amaze the doctor and glorify God. Please pray that Mason gets home in time, that the race is not rain delayed. Please pray for Mason's perseverence as he goes off one last time for this season! As always, please continue to pray for our children. They are doing so well, we do not take lightly the prayers that are so faithful on their behalf. We will all be together next week, so please pray for them to all stay healthy, for travel mercies for Alex and Jillian, and for a sweet time together. Please continue to pray for Madi's healing. I am so thankful for all of you, for the privilege of being able to pray for you, and for rejoicing with you over answered prayers. I am thankful for Mason and my children. It is a blessing beyond words to be surrounded by this family who support and love me and each other so very much, and who love the Lord above all. I am thankful that I know what a gift this is. I am thankful for the opportunity to fellowship and worship with Mason Thomas and Madi as they enthusiastically take us to experience the David Crowder Band tomorrow! I have learned so much on this journey and I am thankful for the unfailing love of my wonderful Savior. Isaiah 26:4 "Trust in the Lord forever, for in God the Lord, we have an everlasting Rock."

Praise and Prayer

Praise for today, I had my chemo treatment as scheduled! I do not take this lightly, with Madi being sick I shout praises for answered prayer as God has continued to protect me. I watched several people today being sent home because their blood levels were not ok to receive treatment. My prayer request is for sweet Madi. She is still sick. Every time I think she has turned the corner she either has a spike in her temperature or she vomits. She has not been running as high a fever today, but she threw up everything she ate all day at about 4:30. She feels like she will never be well again! (I confess to those same sentiments at times!) We have a college student living with us who was sent home from work sick today. Please pray for their healing and for continued protection of my health. As always, we are asking God to completely heal my body and destroy every cancer cell. Today I am thankful for my son, who has been so helpful throughout this journey. He hung out with Madi all day today, and he spent all day yesterday here so he could help me. It is not a coincidence that he chose UNCC for his education, and I am thankful for a sovereign God who cares about all of the details. I am thankful that there are only two races left, and that there have been no rain outs since all of this started. Thank you for your very specific prayers! This brings another prayer request. I have a PET (?) scan on November 23, the day after the last race; extra prayer for a safe and timely return for Mason. I am thankful for all of our wonderful children, who continue to amaze us as they trust in the Lord through this trial. Please continue your prayers for them, they are working and greatly appreciated. We continue to covet your prayers and encouragement. The beautiful picture the Lord has painted for all of us of the Body working together and of all that we have in Him has been a blessing beyond what we could ever think of or imagine. Isaiah 12:5 "Praise the Lord in song, for He has done excellent things; let this be known throughout the earth."

Needing Prayer. . .

I am recruiting all of you prayer warriors. Madi is very sick, she has been running a fever of 103+. The doctor says there is nothing he can do, it has to run it's course. Please pray for her healing. Mason is leaving today and has been trying to protect me from getting too close. this is not easy as a mom. I will be taking over today. She has been sick since Monday and has barely eaten anything this week. As you pray for her healing, please pray for God's hand of protection over me. I have a chemo treatment on Monday, please pray that I will be able to take the treatment as scheduled. Also pray that this flu is stopped here, that it does not run through this house. I am thankful for your prayers and support, and for a God who we can turn to. Psalm 34:4 "I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears."

More Praises!

We had our appointment yesterday for my ten day blood labs. I say "we" because the two really do become one! Everything is perfect, to quote the nurse, my labs are "amazing". I love when God comforts me in such special and creative ways. If you remember when we were going after our first chemo session I asked you to pray that the Dr. would be 'amazed' at my progress and labs. We have not had one visit to that office that someone, a nurse or the doctor, did not use the word 'amazing'! God always meets me where I am and tenderly comforts me with some sort of assurance of His faithfulness. We do indeed serve an awesome God! Madi (and Reagan)and Mason and I are heading to Talladega for the weekend. We are meeting my sister and her husband there and I am really looking forward to it. We had lunch in Atlanta with some very special friends who reminded me that I can confidently ask for a miracle. Jesus, they reminded me, said that we have not because we ask not. I looked in my Bible for that familiar passage and in my search I found nine places where He promises that if we ask we will receive! That is just what I found on a quick little search in the New Testament! I will share with you this one that has touched me. Matthew 21:22 "And whatever you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive." So Mason and I are reminded to continue to faithfully ask and trust God for a miracle healing of my body, and we ask you all to continue to believe as you pray without ceasing for His healing. Please continue to pray for my strength as I go through this treatment, for Mason to remain my patient encourager. Also for him to receive encouragement as he is giving so much these days. Pray as always for our children, that they will continue to trust God with their fears and concerns and to be open with us through this journey. As always, we ask that God will be glorified in all of this. Today I am thankful for a Savior who loves me so much that He has surrounded me with an army. He always knows what I need, and He so often offers me His Word through you, His body who are obediently serving. Again, thank you all for your prayers and for walking this journey with us, words cannot explain what you mean to us.

It is good to give thanks!

I sat down to write tonight and opened my Bible to Psalm 92, and it is perfect! "It is good to give thanks to the Lord and to sing praises to Your name, O Most High." That is how I feel this evening. I apologize for taking so long to post, there are many reasons. One is a praise, I am sitting at my new computer as I write this! Another is that this treatment hit a little harder and a little faster than the last one did. Nothing unbearable, just wearing. I am tired and kind of yucky feeling, but this too shall pass. Another reason is that Jillian is home! It has been such a sweet time with her that I cannot pull myself away! I will get to the details of my praise for my health, which is that the chemo is working. The mass that was forming in my right breast that was measurable is less than half of its original size! The doctor was very pleased, and as we have asked, we pray that he is continuously 'amazed'! He is very encouraging, and we continue to ask for your prayers for my healing and for God to be glorified. I am so very thankful for all of you and for your love and prayers that have poured over Mason and I and our children. Tonight I am so very thankful not only for the physical healing that God is granting, but for the many blessings He has given so generously in such a short time. The kids are growing so much in their trust and faith in our Marvelous Savior. Alex seems to be settling in and God has shown her to a circle of believers and hopefully a church home! She seems to be resting in Him and we thank you for supporting her with your prayers. Jillian is beautiful and loving her job and God is truly providing a community for her of believers in Tallahassee and blessing her as she trusts Him with her life and career. Mason Thomas has become such a young man through this, Mason and I are daily grateful for how we see him grow in his faith and character. Madi Kay is just a ray of sunshine that brightens Mason and I beyond words. Thank you all for how you have supported each of us with your love and your prayers. You have all sustained us and allowed us to experience the peace and grace of God in ways that we could never have imagined.

Week of Blessings

Yay, it's Sunday! Even better, it is a Sunday that Mason and I got to go to our church together! That is always special and a perfect blessing at the end of a week of blessings. Only God can take a week that I have been dreading so deeply and turn it into such a special week of His tender mercy as He gently and lovingly carried me through and allowed so many incredible opportunities to praise Him in the process. Thank you all who prayed for the rain to be controlled so that Mason could be at church on one of those special Sundays during this long season. As you know, we had such a special time of praise and worship on Tuesday with the friends of MRO and Newsong. Yesterday we had a unique time of worship right smack dab in the middle of turn 4 at Lowe's as we attended a Christian Concert, God truly is uncontainable! More blessings as we joined an unusually large group at the pre-race Chapel with an especially powerful time of worship. It is so exciting to see His presence and hand in so many ways. The perfect end to this beautiful week was standing beside my husband and children and our StoneBridge family as we worshipped our amazing Creator! What a merciful God we serve. Tomorrow is my second chemo treatment. Please continue to pray for the chemo to be effective in destroying the cancer in my body, and for my body to be strong through the process. Pray for the nurses who will work with me and for the oncologist who is overseeing my case. Pray for them to be wise and alert, and to be touched by God as they work with me. Please pray for Mason and I to be a light, and for our peace and hope that we have through our Lord to shine through at the treatment center. I pray that I will be aware of those around me who the Lord may be calling me to share a word of encouragement with or just a smile or to pray for; that I would step outside of my carefully guarded bubble in trusting obedience. Please continue to pray for our children as they display such incredible faith throughout this journey. Thank you all for your prayers and love, you have done more than we could express. Lamentations 3:22 - 24 "Through the Lord's mercies, we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not, they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'Therefore I hope in Him.' "

Kisses from God.

Today was a one of the days along this journey that I have been dreading. This morning I was going about my day, trying to ignore the obvious. Hair kept falling out, tickling my nose and arms, making a mess every where I settled, and I kept trying to persevere. I did what I often do when I am frustrated, I went for a walk. I didn't even get five houses away when I texted Mason, I knew he was in a meeting but asked him if he could talk. He offered to leave the meeting, asking what was wrong. I spoke female code to him, which he is getting very good at after almost 29 years of being married to me, and he came home as soon as his meeting was over. Madi cut my hair short with scissors, and Mason used the electric hair trimmers to get it really short. Then, per the instructions we found on the internet, I took a very long shower to soften the hair folicles, and my sweet husband very tenderly shaved my head. This is a very technical description because that is how I had to address this as it all began. Mason said as he was shaving my head, a task that was neither quick nor easy, that it was not on his bucket list but he now considered it worthy. It was one of the most tender moments in our marriage. As the covering of my hair was peeled away Mason found scars, some I had stories for and others I did not. I can't explain how this one little thing deepened my relationship with my husband, but I have to say that while going through all of this was not on my bucket list either, I am thankful for having him to share this with. Tonight we went to the MRO fundraiser where I received even more blessings. I met a woman who is on a very similar journey, she is a few months ahead of me. I have met so many women who have been touched by this horrible disease, and they are always a special blessing to me. She will become a special friend, I am sure. Then Newsong did a concert. One of the singers shared a beautiful story of he and his wife's journey through cancer. She was told that there was not much hope and he shared a crazy story of how God surrounded them with their church family, of the pain of watching his wife go through all of the horrors of this disease and its treatment, and of his anger at God. He spoke of that crazy place of being mad at God yet knowing that He was their only hope and crying out to him in praise because he knew he had to. Needless to say, Mason and I sobbed through his whole story and the praise song that followed. Powerful as only God could be. We got to meet him after and shared our story. I told him about our day, he looked at Mason and said the joy of shaving your wife's head is a special one that only a few had the privilege of understanding. I told him how special the moment that I had so dreaded was, and that ending this day with an incredible time of worship was such a gift. He said that his wife finished her last treatment two years ago last January, and is cancer free. They have come to call cancer their evil friend because of all of the blessings and lessons they learned in the process. Today, he said, was a "kiss from God", and that there will be many more kisses even in the dark days that will come along this journey. The verse he shared with me that became his wife's life verse is Proverbs 31:25 "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future." Once again, I am reminded of all that I have and that He is my exceedingly great reward. I am thankful for the kiss from God today.

Hats, hats, and more hats!

I sat down earlier to write and ran my fingers through my hair; they came out with a handful of hair. I decided to cook dinner, then ???? Mason and I went shopping and I am now the proud owner of a mesh skull cap (to sleep in), six hats, and one scarf (I need Madi to go scarf shopping!). One more step in my journey. Tomorrow night, I believe, will be the wig debut, provided I am brave enough to go ahead and complete the hair loss process between now and then. Today I am thankful for my husband who brings humor into everything and loves me for who I am on the inside and is so crazy that he thinks I am going to be beautiful bald. I am thankful for my children and all of their love and support, and for all of you who are sustaining us in fellowship, love, and prayers. I am thankful for all of the oncology specialists who are amazing and truly called to do what they do. I am thankful for having cancer as fall and winter are arriving so that the hats will be less awkward to me (God knows my heart, and He loves me the same). I am thankful that the MRO concert/fundraiser just so happens to be tomorrow night so that I will be supported by our crazy and special friends there for my big debut, as Mason says, the NASCAR community is a pretty good audience to try things out on! I am thankful that I serve a God who loves me so much that He sees to all of the details in such a personal way just for me...wow! 2 Corinthians 12:9 "And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

PRAISES!!!

Today was a great day filled with answered prayer. The Dr. could no longer feel the lymphnodes and the mass that was forming in my right breast is noticably reduced! This is after only one chemo treatment. We all prayed for him to be amazed and he even used that word today. He said that I am one of the "lucky" ones because of how well my body responded to the chemo. We all know that I am blessed and that luck had nothing to do with it! My blood work was "perfect", she said that there is no sign in it that I have had any chemo and my white blood cell count was a little high which means that the shot is working. All is well and we are set for October 19 at 11:00. They will check my blood again before they give me the treatment, so please keep praying. I got to go to Bible Study today, always such a joy. I cannot ever express how it feels to have so many people praying for me and my family. Mason and I speak of it often and we are so thankful for all of you and for a God who is detailed and so personally directs all of our prayers. You all pray for things that we don't even think of! I was thinking about that today and it reminded me that this has been a tiny picture for the Vincent family of what we have in Christ. In Exodus 17 Joshua was leading a battle that could not be fought alone. Moses went to the top of a hill and held up the staff of God. Only with the support of Moses did God give victory to Josua and the Israelites, when Moses let down his hands as he grew weary the enemy would prevail. Exodus 17:12 "But Moses' hands were heavy. Then they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, and Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other." Thank you all for being our Aaron and Hur. I found strength today in Isaiah 40, particularly verses 28, 29 "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary and to him who lacks might He increases power." We serve an amazing God.

Blessings!

I went to post today and I am always so blessed by the comments I receive! Mason once said that checking the blog is like an easter egg hunt every morning! So much richer treasures are you all! Thank you. Madi and I went to a Look Good Feel Better class yesterday at the oncologists office. What a special time with other women in my situation! I was blessed by all of them and their determination to make lemonade! Tomorrow is my appointment to see the oncologist and have blood work done to see how I am doing. It is important to stay on schedule with chemotherapy but it is also important for my body to stay strong. As always, please pray that the Dr. is amazed! I always have a difficult time with allergies and the fall is especially trying. Please pray that they will ease and not wear me down. As I spent time with the Lord this morning, this is a verse that touched me. Psalm66:20 "Blessed be God, who has not turned away my prayer, nor His mercy from me!" Thank you all for your prayers, my peace at this time is amazing.

The wig is ordered. . .

I haven't posted in a few days partly because my computer is a mess and when Mason is out of town it is very frustrating to post anything! There is a new computer coming, until then I must be patient. In complete honesty, however, it has been a difficult week. Fatigue can give a foot in the door for the enemy and all kinds of crazy thoughts. I am realizing that this is a spiritual battle as well as a physical battle. Friday I went and ordered a wig, which was much more difficult than I had anticipated. I had a couple of friends go with me, I wanted to have more than Mason and Madi's opinion; I love them but I needed assurance from more than a man and a teenager, I needed a woman who was over 40! (Madi is sitting with me and wants the record to reflect that the wig I ordered is what her a Mason picked out!) Anyway, it took an emotional toll. It is a funny thing about this disease, it is so intrusive and it hurts in so many different ways. Then I feel guilty that I am so effected by it all, who would trade hair for life? I guess you see the crazy thoughts I was speaking of. Friday I walked alone for the first time since all of this started. That is very strange for me, I walk nearly everyday, and often alone. I enjoy it, it is usually a time of prayer and trying to listen to God. I have been missing that, I cannot go through this without God challenging and pushing me. I must arm myself for this battle and one of the ways I must do that is to spend time alone with Him. I realized on Friday night as I shared some of these thoughts with my amazing son, that I am going through a period of wrestling with God. Amazingly, I had a very solid confirmation, and comfort, at church today. How does God always do that? How can I doubt a God who has revealed Himself so powerfully to me in all of the details over this past month? I am better today and have so many things to be thankful for that I am having a difficult time picking what to write! I am thankful for a husband who loves the Lord and is walking this journey with me. I am thankful that in spite of all of the failures and inadequacies of Mason and I, that God has blessed us with these amazing children who love Him and are trusting in Him as they support us in this journey. I am thankful for the body of Christ who have so powerfully upheld us in love and prayer. I am thankful for the privilege of serving the Creator of the universe Who loves me so much that He will patiently guide me and comfort me as I wrestle with Him. Psalm 5:11 "But let all those rejoice who put their trust in You, let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them, let those also who love Your name be joyful in You." Please pray for me as I seek God in this, let me hear His voice and grow in my trust in Him. Please continue to pray for Mason as he supports me that he will also be supported and comforted. Please pray for the kids, that people will continue to reach out to them in love and support, and that they will trust in the Lord and find comfort and strength in Him; that they will understand that He is their exceedingly great reward. As always, please pray that my body stays strong through the chemotherapy and that the cancer will be destroyed.

Answered Prayer!

Yesterday I thought I would title this entry "Prayer for Pain", I had a shot that is supposed to increase my white blood cells and one of the side effects (and signs of it working) is bone aches. So I prayed all day yesterday that I would feel the fruit of this medicine that is supposed to help me. It was such a full day, in a very good way, that I did not get to post. I did, however, wake up in the night to bone pain, thus the name change! My praises have become for funny things these days! Yesterday was such a nice day, I got to go to Bible Study, always a blessing, then Mason and Madi and I went to try on wigs. The two of them made it so fun that the emotional side of all of that was almost completely forgotten! My lovely husband learned that God knew what He was doing and that I should not be a long haired blonde! I had a very special and uplifting walk with a very special friend, and we had our life group last night. Our life group is college kids that fill me each week with joy and blessing that I cannot describe! What a privilege to be a part of their lives. My energy was very good yesterday and I continue to praise God for His protection and provision. Between the women's study in Isaiah and our life group study in Romans, I have pondered a lot on all that has been done for me through Christ on the cross. I am so blessed, beyond measure or words. Please continue to pray for my strength, courage, and healing. Pray that my body will stay strong so that I can continue my chemotherapy on schedule, and that this treatment will destroy the cancer. Please pray for Mason as he leaves today for Kansas City, that he will have peace and feel the presence of God as He is away. Please continue to pray for our wonderful children as they continue in their lives, that they will trust in their Heavenly Father as the perfect and merciful God that He is. Psalm 84:12 "Oh Lord of hosts, Blessed is the man who trusts in You!"

One Down, Five to Go!

Today was my first chemo cycle. Once again, God sustained me and more! The peace and calm I had all day, even leading up to the entering the treatment room and all of the prep stuff, was nothing short of amazing. I had no negative effects to any of the drugs as they were being administered, that is very good news. I spent the day thanking God for all that He has done in this process and for all of you who He has graciously and mercifully surrounded me with. Mason and I truly have a profound understanding of the 'body of Christ' and the incredible blessing and gift that it is. I confess that I am really tired right now. Mason and I went for a walk tonight before dinner. I was fine, but I am ready for bed at a very early hour! I have a lot of anti-nausea medicine in my system so I suspect that is what it is. Again, I cannot express how much all of you and your prayers and encouragement mean to all of the Vincent family, Jillian even had great news today in the form of a praise! I have always loved that God is relational and chooses to operate through His people in such profound ways. Thank you all for your willing and loving service, and for your utter dependence on our awesome God that keeps all of us on our knees. As always, I rest in the comfort that He is my exceedingly great reward.

Sunday!!!!!!

Today has been an amazing day. I have so many thoughts that I am glad Mason is home to contain me as I write! To start with, the sermon today was Isaiah 6:1 - 8. This passage has impacted me so powerfully in the past couple of years and it continues to draw me to it. The courage to confront my sin and inadequacies when I gaze on the face of God is so freeing as I realize His holiness and His mercy that is shown in this passage is indeed transforming. Doug's focus today on our call to service in this passage was such a comfort to me; I have definitely been drafted but God's grace will carry me and in spite of my fears, reluctance, and humaness, He will see me through and be glorified. Isaiah 6:3b "...the whole earth is filled with His glory." I had so many people who know nothing of NASCAR come up to me today and tell me that it is raining in Dover so they would be praying that Mason could finish and be home for my first treatment. I didn't talk with Mason much today but the first thing he said when he called after the race was that he had no idea how they got the race in and that it was raining in Dover at that time! God is good and hears our prayers! I know this sounds strange coming from a cancer patient, but God's ways are not our ways. I went to a movie with Madi today that was about a psychologist who lost his wife and wrote a book about the grieving process. The movie was showing his fight as he tried to help people who were paralyzed in their grief. He had many practical steps, but none of them included God. I kept thinking that I cannot climb high enough, run fast enough, dance free enough, laugh long enough, or love deep enough to escape my fears and find the peace and comfort that only Christ can bring. Please continue to pray for me, for I am a little anxious about tomorrow. (as I write this my heart is racing...just a little!) Please pray that all goes well, my body takes the chemicals and the cancer is defeated. As always, our LORD is our exceedingly great reward!

Quiet day, finally!

Just in case you haven't heard, the procedure to install my port went amazingly well. It was much faster than I was expecting and God was good in the way He protected and ecouraged me. Mason is doing well in Dover; thank you all so much for your prayers. Today I paid bills and tried to organize some of the information I have been collecting over these last few weeks. That is a praise, I am moving forward, not paralyzed (for three days in a row!). Which is very good since I hadn't paid bills in so long I was beginning to worry about something being turned off, I really don't need one more thing! Isaiah 54:10 " 'For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, but My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, and My covenant of peace will not be shaken,' says the Lord who has compassion on you." This verse is one of many that you all have been sending to me and it spoke to me in a special way. Several people stopped by today and brought gifts of comfort and encouragement; I even got flowers and dinner was delivered! You all continually bless me beyond measure. Please keep the prayers coming, I know that the peace that is beginning to replace the fear is because of the petitions of so many of God's people holding me up. Please continue to pray for my healing, and the peace of my family. Monday is my first chemo treatment, please pray for me to be strong and courageous, for my body to handle all of these drugs, and for the cancer to be destroyed. May I never forget how powerfully I have learned that He is my exceedingly great reward.

Feeling restored. . .

Today I returned to Bible Study, it felt so good to be back among so many special people and digging into God's word with the women of StoneBridge! In Isaiah 1:23b ". . . They do not defend the orphan, nor does the widow's plea come before them." We didn't speak much on this subject today, but it effected me very much. I have been so touched by how God's people have surrounded me and my family and held us up with prayer, words of encouragement, sharing scripture, and offers of help in so many ways. I will forever be changed and more active in compassionate service to the wounded and broken hearted. When I could not feel God, He loved me through all of you who poured your love out and did not abandon me in my darkest hour. Thank you all and please keep praying, encouraging and loving the Vincent family. Tomorrow begins with Mason and I receiving instruction on chemotherapy. Mason heads of the the race at noon and I have a procedure in the afternoon to put in a port to receive my chemo. A very special friend is giving her time to take me, it is outpatient but because of anesthesia it is a long day. Madi is being covered by even more loving friends. . . thank you all so much. Please pray for Mason as he is leaving us for the first time since this all started. Hard as it has been on me, it truly is more difficult to watch and not be able to stop it for him. He hates not being here for my procedure so please pray for peace for him and protection for me. Psalm 30:7 "I will rejoice and be glad in Your lovingkindness, because You have seen my affliction; You have known the troubles of my soul." Thank you all for your support and for your constant reminder that God has not abandoned us! We love you!

The Plan

We have a plan, finally! I will have six chemotherapy sessions, one every three weeks; followed by a double masectomy (when I am strong enough) then radiation. On Thursday I am having a port put into my chest to take my chemotherapy in an effort to save my veins. My first chemo session is on Monday, September 28th. We like the oncologist very much, he is highly recommended and has been very encouraging. He confesses that this is a very aggressive and maybe even controversial plan, but we are confident in his care and Mason and I feel very strongly that the Lord has put him in our path. As time goes on I will share the path that led us to him, but for now suffice to say that he is even a NASCAR fan! This is going to be a difficult battle, but I know that my strength is in the Lord and the power of the prayers of so many people. Please pray that the cancer in my body will be stopped and shrunk by the chemo, continue to pray for our family and for wisdom and talent in our medical care givers. The doctor told me today that he will do his part but I have to do mine. My part is a positive and determined spirit. So please pray for the Lord to restore my peace and joy and fill me with a faith that can fight off all of the doubts the enemy tries to fill me with. A friend sent me this verse today: Psalm 42:11 "Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God." Again, thank you for your prayers and please keep them coming! We never take for granted all that He has given us in the body of Christ!

Thankfulness...

We are on our way home from dropping Alex off at Ohio State. What a sweet and beautiful daughter we have! Thank you all for your prayers, she was as excited and joyful as she should have been on this important launch. I could not have hand picked a better roommate, Annie is beautiful and kind, I know they will have a great year and become solid friends. God is being so gracious in His care and protection of our children as He expresses His love for them through all of you, His willing servants. Thank you all. A friend sent me this; Psalm 34:18 ""The Lord is near to the broken-hearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit." It has been pointed out to me that though I feel far from God, he has allowed me to feel His love through all of you and that as much as you all love me, God loves me even more. Bless all of you for how you have surrounded the Vincent family. I had a very special time with my family and Mason's parents. It was a nice distraction from the "c" word, another gift from God...you guys are the best! As I face tomorrow I feel anxiety returning. I have a test on my heart at 9:00 a.m., in case you haven't been keeping track, EVERY test has been dire in the results. Mason says we can't keep strking out! I confess to fear, so please pray, BEG, for good results and a strong heart that can withstand the chemotherapy my onconologist has prescribed! Thank you, Father, for putting Mason in my life and for equipping him so well in this journey. Thank you, Father, for Jillian, Mason Thomas, Alexandria, and Madison. They are gifts to me and strong servants to you, you are Amazing God. Thank you, Father, that you are my exceedingly great reward

shel-shocked

I could not post anything yesterday, I had not the anything to do so. On the way home from the hospital yesterday I decided that I was pulling the plug on this blog, my hope was gone and I had nothing to give. The fact that I am here writing today is a testament to the fact that God will not let go of me. I wish I could say that I came home and dug into His word, but I came home and shut down. I did not sleep last night and told Mason this morning that I could not fight. Since then I have been encouraged by my incredible husband and some wonderful emails reminding me that God loves me so much that He has placed an army of saints in my life who are uplifting me even when I am paralysed. At the bone biopsy prep I told the nurse that I couldn't even breathe, she gave me a zanax (?) and the Dr. wanted me to stay for 2 hrs after the procedure. I slept those 2 hours, more than I have slept in 2 or 3 days. Another gift. I am better and tomorrow, again, is another day. I am still terrified and very confused as to what God is doing. He has the big picture, I do not. Still shaken, Mason and I are blessed beyond measure with 4 incredible kids who love Him and love us; and with an incredible support of powerful prayer warriors and note writers all over the place. Thank you all, we will never be able to express what you mean to us. We have promised each other to remember daily (sometimes minute by minute) that He is our exceedingly great reward. Please keep the prayers and encouragement coming. While 'stage four cancer' sucks, God is good and will not leave me, even when I try to throw Him out. What a God I serve!

Rough day but God is good

Met with the surgeon for the first time, liked her very much. While I hope no one ever needs her services, I would strongly recommend her to anyone. Satan worked hard today and momentarily took my peace. The treatment plan was overwhelming and the reality of the BIG pink ribbon smacked me hard. I have more tests tomorrow and a meeting with the oncologist, not sure how much more I will know, but it is one more step. God's gift to me today is Isaiah 40:31 "Yet those who wait for the Lord gain new strength..." Tuesdays have not been kind, on our trip back from Tallahassee last Tuesday we got the call from the radiologist that I have breast cancer. The ride home was hard, but we got through that, and by God's grace, we will get through this.

It begins...

I am creating this blog at the encouragement of some of you to share my journey through breast cancer with all of the prayer warriors who are sustaining Mason and I and our wonderful children through this trial. This is kind of a catch up, as the journey started a couple of weeks ago. I will keep you updated on current events and fill in as I can with our fears and experiences from the beginning of this journey. The phone call that says, "Mrs. Vincent, this is Charlotte Radiology, and there are a few concerns on your mammogram so we need to schedule an appointment for a follow up and an ultrasound.", is what so many of us dread, and why so many of us put off that annual mammogram...not to mention the sheer humility of the whole process. I want to make it clear that I began this journey as a very unwilling participant. I have this very irrational fear of cancer, there are many reasons for this, but Mason and I have always joked that if I ever got cancer he would have his work cut out for him because I would be a mess. Well, he did, because I was a mess from that first phone call. But God is good and He has guided Mason and comforted me in such a powerful way that we have been left in awe of Him. I have an appointment tomorrow with the surgeon and will let you know what comes of that. Until then, Mason and I would like to remind you, as we have been so powerfully reminded, He is our exceedingly great reward!