Doing better...

This has been an interesting week. I am glad to have one week of radiation behind me! The treatment on Friday only took about twenty minutes, much improved over the two and a half hours on Monday! They seem to have everything figured out and lined up properly, so maybe the twenty minutes will be my new normal. Normal seems to be a moving target these days. Mason and I were at Home Depot a couple of weeks ago and the lady helping us asked if I was still in chemo or had recently finished. I was wearing a warm up and a hat, no wig that day. The bald and breastless thing was very apparent. This woman spent a long time talking to us, she had been through ovarian cancer a few years ago. When Mason and I left we both were wondering how she knew I had been through chemo! Mason looked at me and we started cracking up, he said it was pretty crazy when this is normal! I have not been feeling well for a couple of weeks, just tired and achy. Thursday I started running a fever and having shivers. It would come and go, I thought maybe I just needed to slow down and rest. Friday I didn't feel great and by the time I went to bed last night I had the shivers again. After the girls went to bed I checked my temperature and it was 103.6. When I got up this morning it was 102, I thought I was improving. Soon I had the shivers again and my temperature was between 104 and 105. Dr. Limentani sent me to the emergency room. They were very good about protecting me from germs, and about protecting my arms. It turns out I have either a UTI or a kidney infection. My new normal has been feeling sluggish, I guess I need to pay better attention! Thank you to all of my prayer warrior girl friends who rallied today when Madi put out the call for help. I am so blessed. Mason is in Martinsville this week, it was very hard for him not to be here today. I just spoke with him and he said it is 100% chance of rain tomorrow. I have a treatment on Monday and an appointment with Dr. Limentani. There is nothing major happening, he really is not doing any new treatment until after radiation. I still hope that Mason can be there. If you read this before race time tomorrow, please pray for God to hold the rain in Martinsville. Today I am thankful for my beautiful daughters who love me and are always there, and for my girl friends, and always for Mason. Today was a reminder to me of how God has protected me so much throughout. My body is being put through a lot, and I have experienced amazing grace as I have come through everything so well. Thank you all, once again, for your continued prayer. Isaiah 26:4 "Trust in the LORD forever, for in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting strength."

Radiation: The Sequel

I received my first radiation treatment today. It was not uneventful; I am receiving a lot of radiation and they are, thankfully, being meticulous in the angles and numbers. I was there for over two hours yesterday, and for about two hours today. I laid on the table with my arms over my head holding on to a bar, as they arranged the machine, took xrays, and rearranged the machine. They are trying to cover all the areas I need to be covered, and still protect my heart and lungs. My chest has so many drawings on it, I look like I am wearing a treasure map! I am doing well; Mason asked me if I was scared. I really wasn't. The ceiling in the room where I will receive my treatment everyday has a stained glass art above the table where I lay. Yesterday, as I was settling in on the table with all of the instructions and gadgets surrounding me, I looked up and could see, peaking out around the big machine directly above me, a branch and vines. I was so thankful for the calming reminder from my Savior that He is with me always. (John 15:5) After about thirty minutes or more, the big machine moved to the side a little, and straight ahead of me was a beautiful butterfly, in garnet and gold! (for those who know me well, you get the personal touch via the FSU reminder!) Mason and I did a Bible study called the 'Truth Project' last year. The leader spoke of times in his life of trials or wrestling with God as being in a cocoon and struggling to get out. What emerges after that intense struggle is a beautiful butterfly. It is my prayer that this journey, which I have struggled so much in, will graciously free me as a beautiful butterfly; free to joyfully trust and serve my God, beautifully equipped for whatever He calls me to. Today I am thankful for the wonderful privilege of knowing my Savior and being able to turn to Him in complete trust. I am thankful for His hand in all of this, that is guiding the beams of light to the cancer cells while He protects what is good. I am thankful for the many prayers from all of you, and many more, for me and my family. I am thankful for God's obvious presence in Jillian, Mason Thomas, Ally, and Madi. I am thankful for Mason and for his unwavering love and support, for his calm in all of my chaos. I am blessed by his faith when mine is weak. Please continue to pray for my children, for Mason, and for my peace and healing. Please pray for the radiation, for the precise set up and for it to do it's job, for the wisdom and focus of the doctor and the staff who will be working with me. Also, please continue to pray for Dr. Limentani, as he makes decisions about my continued treatment. Thank you all for hanging in there with us on this very long journey. 1 Timothy 1:12 "I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that He considered me faithful, appointing me to His service."

Radiation

Yesterday I had my 'radiation simulation'. They used laser lights and a CT Scan to get all of the angles right for my radiation treatment. I spent about an hour in the simulation, I now have four tattoos and four crosses written in "indelible ink" across my stomach and chest area! There was a radiation technician, a radiation technician student, and my radiation oncologist, all men. The technician was explaining that I would be getting some tattoos, very small dots, and they would be writing on my chest. They asked me if I was okay with that, the markings would remain for the duration of my treatment. I looked down at my chest, such as it is after a double mastectomy, and just giggled! Seriously? Once again, God has been gracious to me in an unexpected way. We have prayed for clear direction for my radiation oncologist. Because of the pathology from my surgery there are no grey areas for my radiation treatment. It is all, "If, then"; there are NO "If, maybe". I will have seven weeks of radiation, five times a week. The doctor said to expect to be tired, but that it should be easier than chemo. Last week after our consult with the radiation oncologist, Mason said that it is kind of neat that these little beams of light do so much. He said it is like God shining His light into the darkness and destroying the evil. (I am so glad I married him, he is a keeper!) In case I forget that analogy as a reminder that God is my ever-present warrior fighting this battle for me, I now have four crosses to remind me every time I change clothes or shower! These last few weeks have been kind of difficult for me. I have had so many wonderful encourager's and I have been digging into Gods word, remembering Who He is and all that He has done, and immersing myself in music. This has been a long road, and there is still much ahead of me. I am feeling better, but I am so thankful that I am not alone in this. Please continue to pray for me, for my peace and strength, and for my healing. Please continue to pray for Mason, he is busy with the season and has his hands full at home. We celebrated our 29th wedding anniversary last week, and I am so very thankful for him; he remains to be all that God has instructed him to be as a husband and father, and as a man of God. Please pray that God will continue to bless him and strengthen him through this long season. The kids continue to be such a blessing to us, please pray for them as we begin another leg of this journey. Pray that they will grow in their relationship with the Lord as they trust Him with everything. Alex is home for almost two weeks for her spring break! Please pray that it will be a sweet time for all of us. I am thankful for a Father who loves me, and for a Savior who intercedes with prayer on my behalf. None of this is a surprise to my Sovereign God, and He is always with me, He is my strength and comfort. Hebrews 13:20-21 "Now the God of peace, who brought up from the dead the great Shepherd of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant, Jesus our Lord, equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen."

Living With Cancer

I met with the oncologist on Monday. He reminded me that he never promised to be able to destroy all of the cancer, he has always told me that my disease is incurable. He has always held the hope that he can contain the cancer, it is a chronic disease that he will treat, much like a diabetic can only be treated, not cured. He said, "Vicki, you have cancer running through your body, how do you feel?" I feel fine, and that was his point. I have to learn to live with cancer. While I am somewhat ashamed of the fact that as a Christian, I had to receive a pep talk from my doctor who does not seem to know my Lord, I was expecting a miracle. I know my God is a God of miracles and He is capable of destroying this cancer in my body. For now, however, He has chosen not to. He is still good, and He still loves me, and He is righteous in all He does. My Father has never left me, and will not let go of me no matter how many temper tantrums I throw! Praise be to Him, Who is worthy of all my praise. For now, I had my first monthly infusion of Zometa (?), a medicine given to osteoperosis patience for bone strength, given in HUGE doses to me to help counter the negative effects of the cancer on my bones. The side effects are aches of the bones for a day or so. It was a rough day today, I truly felt like an old lady! I have a consult on Monday with a radiology oncologist and will hopefully begin my radiation in a couple of weeks. Dr. Limentani is running some blood tests in an effort to determine if I am pre or post menopausal, it matters because he needs to know which medicine to give me for long term stabilization of my cancer which is estrogen fed. Mason said it would have been nice if I could have gotten cancer at a earlier or later time so that this would not have been such a difficult decision. I reminded him that God's timing is perfect and I trust that He will direct Dr. Limentani. For now, I will trust that God will complete His good work that He has begun in me and that I will learn to live with cancer. Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. Mason kept telling me last week that God would restore me, He did in September and He would again. When I sat in church on Sunday, singing His praises with this beautiful body of believers, I could not help but be in awe of Him and all that He has done for me and my family. This will be a crazy journey, full of ups and downs, but God will sustain me. When I fall, He will pick me up. Please continue to pray for my peace and for Mason as he has his hands full! The travel is hard, and his leaving last week was one of the hardest things we have faced in this battle. I am blessed to be here, surrounded by my sweet kids and our church family. Mason has to leave every week so please pray for him and that God would fill him with His Spirit of peace and trust. Please continue to pray for Jillian, Mason Thomas, Alex, and Madi. They have been incredible but I do not take that for granted, and ask that you continue to hold them up with your prayers. Please pray for wisdom for my doctors as they have to make decisions regarding my medication and radiation treatments. And please continue to pray for my healing, I still believe in His miracles! I leave you with a beautiful verse that God gave to Mason last week as a comfort to me, and it was. Zephaniah 3:17 "The LORD your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."