The last conversation I had with my mom she asked me to
write one last blog to kind of tie things up. To be completely honest I have
been avoiding it because there is no way I could ever “tie up” up something
like this. My mom lived a life of intentionality, and you can see it on the
pages of everything she wrote. Every word was woven together with purpose. She
was open and honest letting everyone into her deepest and darkest fear because
she knew it would further God’s kingdom and that was her ultimate goal.
So in a very sorry attempt, I am going to do my best to
honor her.
Cancer has been part of my family’s vocabulary for as long
as I can remember which, admittedly has only been the last six years. Let me
tell you, a lot of life has happened in those six years. College graduations
(and highschool), a commissioned officer moving to Oklahoma, Arizona, and Korea,
2 beautiful weddings, a cross-country move, the most perfect grandbaby you will
ever lay eyes on, and of course a Florida State national championship (yes, I
know maybe that’s a tacky thing to add to the list, but my momma would’ve given
a fist pump to it).
Even more so, in the last six years my mom and my family experienced
God’s faithfulness. While I’m not going to pretend that any of this is easy, or
not even touch on the doubt, fear, and anger we have all experienced at some
point, even amongst that we have seen His mighty hand at work.
We know full well, He is good and He is for us. Even if at moments we don’t see it, or feel
it. My mom used to say that you can’t trust who you don’t know, and thankfully
she encouraged us to get to know God. I’m learning that in trying times your
knowledge of God’s character has to help you get past the emotions of the hurt
and confusion you face.
From when my mom was diagnosed to when hospice entered our
home was only four weeks. Emotions went from coming to terms with the life
events she was going to miss, to realizing she wouldn’t be the one I could call
walking home from class. I thought that time would make it more normal, but if
I’m being honest time has made it harder because I miss her more and I still
habitually pick up the phone to call her.
I could go on and on about how much she loved to laugh, how
stunning she was, how much she loved to worship, but how she always clapped off
beat. I could talk for hours about how incredible of mom she was, or that her
and my dad were such an amazing team. All of that isn’t what made her unique
though. Her uniqueness came from her complete infatuation with the Lord and a
heart that beat to further His kingdom. It was evident that He sustained her
through trials, He freed her from fear, and He comforted her in weakness.
And in that we find hope.
The greatest gift is that we know that about her. We know
where she is. We know that death is not the end. What Jesus did on the cross enabled her to
walk out of the grave, the blood covered her sins, and she’s standing in
eternity worshiping. Death didn’t win because Jesus brings life.
My mom finished the race, and she entered into eternity.
- Madi
