I have received my report from my quarterly ct scan. All is well!
I haven't been feeling well, really since I started on the new medicines after chemotherapy. Both medicines can have stomach pain as a side effect. I sure have had that. I keep expecting a bad report; the cancer is stubbornly in my stomach. But each scan has been clean. I persevere.
I have had a lot of down time, which really effects my attitude. That is one of the things I have learned; through cancer, having a husband who traveled for work, and suddenly finding myself an empty nester! I must be filling myself with physical and mental challenges. But most important, I must fill my body, mind, and soul with Christ.
As a busy mother of four very active kids, it used to be that I had to make sure my relationship with my Merciful Savior didn't keep being put on the back burner. I'm a perfectionist so it was difficult for me to not have a "picture perfect" walk. Get up at 5am to meet with Jesus, that's what super Christians do! The kids always knew.... I have no idea how, but one of them always found me and needed to cuddle! Soon there would be three or four of them there.... The day had begun, and Jesus was on the back burner. No matter when I planned quiet time, there was always chaos abounding or fatigue overpowering.
I had to learn to not be so rigid in meeting with God.
Look guys! What a beautiful sunset God made tonight! Followed by a whispered praise and remembering a verse.
The heavens declare His righteousness, And all the peoples have seen His glory. (Psalms 97:6 NASB)
Beautiful flowers in vivid color on a hot hot hot summer day! Thank you, Creator!
I missed that car.....no idea how! Thank you, Jesus....
Mama, look at the vivid rainbow! Only God can do that, claim the promise...
A family dinner filled with lots of laughter and stories! AKA... no rushing, complaining, whining, or bickering!!! By Your grace, Father.
Watching Mason as he interacts with our children. Always a whispered prayer of thanksgiving....for so much.
So much, so many whisperd praises in the midst of the chaos. God always met me where I was, He is gracious and knows my heart.
Today I have to be careful to not miss Him in the quiet. Not having a schedule because I have so much time is bad. It can be easy to keep putting Him off, then the evening comes and I haven't given Him a portion of me let alone all of my mind, all of my body, and all of my soul. That is when the enemy likes to fill my mind with his lies....
You can't recover
You aren't worthy of a miracle
Did you feel that? Bet the cancer spread
You're too weak, you can't ski today
Do you really love your God?
All lies. All focused on me. Look up!
There will always be distractions and temptations. We are fallen humans living in a fallen world. But we are rescued. By a risen Savior! Keep looking up that we never forget Who rescued us and what we have been rescued to.
Our world is changing. Fast. I have a grand baby arriving next month! Though we are overflowing with joy and blessing, I pray for her and for this world she is coming into. The lines of good and evil, right and wrong, are marred. The persecution of Christians is rampant. Not like the persecution we think of in America. Our children will be made fun of, or even shunned, all through school, kindergarten through college. Likely, in various ways, also in their careers. They will not, however, lose their lives for proclaiming Christ. They do not share their testimony at the risk of jail, or execution, to them or the person they love enough to share with. That persecution is real. Owning a Bible is easy for us who have so much freedom. Not so for so many around the world. With the freedom and abundance we are blessed with here, shouldn't there be more of a burden of responsibility that goes with it?
As I write this, the news is exploding with the burning alive of a man, placed in a cage, no escape, and videoed for the world to see. This follows too many videos of deaths by beheading. Again, for the world to see. How can this be? How is there such evil? Surely Jesus must be coming soon. It can't possibly get worse than this....
As a high school student, I remembered seeing videos from the holocaust. I was sickened by the massive piles of naked, malnourished bodies, mass murdered in gas chambers. Who could do this? Who could record it for the world to see? I have often thought that the people who lived this, children who watched their parents abused and then led to slaughter, must have thought that the world was about to end. Surely Jesus was coming soon. Evil could not get any worse. Yet.... Here we are.
Debbie Downer, right? But there is hope. We serve a RISEN Savior!
These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33 NASB)
Let's claim this, live like we believe it!
Mason and I can stand strong behind Jillian and Adam, with intercessory prayer, love, and words of encouragement, as they raise sweet baby Audrey Nole in this crazy world. She will be a world changer as she follows Jesus and confidently serves Him, knowing who she is in Him. That is victory, not that she have an easy life.
Cancer has shown me a very big, very faithful, very powerful God. I have learned to trust Him, to live more boldly. I am learning to trust Him to open my eyes to all that He is showing me. To tell His story. To live a life that worships Him. That means my heart aches, a lot. But the little things I do will be made big through Him. I don't have to do it all, but if I don't trust God to open my eyes, I won't do anything. Children in Africa, and around the world, can be rescued from the slavery of human trafficking. The homeless can receive a touch that shows them Christ. How? A sandwich, and advocate on their behalf, a warm meal and a bed for a night. Children with abusive or negligent parents can see Jesus through the encouragement and efforts of a teacher, or the touch of a room mother, or of the parents of a friend.
I can pray for God to eradicate the horrible evil of this world. I can pray for the persecution of Christians, and ask God to destroy the efforts to stop the spreading of the Gospel. And trust in His promise that the victory is His. I can serve Him with the urgency that comes as He opens my eyes to the evil, wanting to share Him with the lost, as the end times draw near.
Perspective. I read a blog this week that talked about how Christians pick causes to get behind that really seem foolish in the big picture. The blogger talked about our current obsession on modesty while evil is taking over so much. Slavery, persecution, wars, beheadings, abortion, children dying of starvation, orphans... Yes, modesty matters, in the root sin of sexual desire/abuse that we refuse to address. I actually heard someone, in the wake of the Super Bowl, call prostitution a victimless crime. Really? Tell that to the children, yes even in America, who are slaves in this sex trafficking, multibillion dollar industry. Our hearts must change, and not by condemning the victims. #butyouwanttotalkaboutleggings
http://ashleypdickens.com/ten-things-we-should-get-angry-about-before-yoga-pants/
One of the side effects of my new drugs has resulted in giving myself a daily injection in my abdomen. As the doctor was explaining this to me, my head was reeling. The pity party and complaining to God had begun before the doctor even finished explaining. Then he said something that brought me to a halt. He explained that it used to be that if a tiny blood clot was caught in a secondary fashion, like looking for cancer and finding this, they would not treat that on a patient with no symptoms and no active cancer. " That is you, you have no active cancer.". Wait... WHAT?!?!!
I was focussing on the distraction. God forced me to look up. I have a friend who is walking this cancer journey with her father. She said this week that cancer does not control them. God does. Whatever your burden, God is in control. Amen!!!
I was laying on my bed this week, looking away and being angry, as Mason was trying to give me my injection. I looked up at him, and melted. There stood this man I married almost thirty-four years ago, glasses hanging on the end of his nose, concentrating on injecting his wife to help to heal her. This is love. This is "for better or for worse". At twenty-four and tewnty-one, neither one of us could possibly have imagined this. This is a kiss from God, a visual of what is truly important, truly special. Don't miss the blessings. Look up!
I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; From where shall my help come? My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel Will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper; The LORD is your shade on your right hand. The sun will not smite you by day, Nor the moon by night. The LORD will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul. The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in From this time forth and forever. (Psalms 121:1-8 NASB)
