The wig is ordered. . .

I haven't posted in a few days partly because my computer is a mess and when Mason is out of town it is very frustrating to post anything! There is a new computer coming, until then I must be patient. In complete honesty, however, it has been a difficult week. Fatigue can give a foot in the door for the enemy and all kinds of crazy thoughts. I am realizing that this is a spiritual battle as well as a physical battle. Friday I went and ordered a wig, which was much more difficult than I had anticipated. I had a couple of friends go with me, I wanted to have more than Mason and Madi's opinion; I love them but I needed assurance from more than a man and a teenager, I needed a woman who was over 40! (Madi is sitting with me and wants the record to reflect that the wig I ordered is what her a Mason picked out!) Anyway, it took an emotional toll. It is a funny thing about this disease, it is so intrusive and it hurts in so many different ways. Then I feel guilty that I am so effected by it all, who would trade hair for life? I guess you see the crazy thoughts I was speaking of. Friday I walked alone for the first time since all of this started. That is very strange for me, I walk nearly everyday, and often alone. I enjoy it, it is usually a time of prayer and trying to listen to God. I have been missing that, I cannot go through this without God challenging and pushing me. I must arm myself for this battle and one of the ways I must do that is to spend time alone with Him. I realized on Friday night as I shared some of these thoughts with my amazing son, that I am going through a period of wrestling with God. Amazingly, I had a very solid confirmation, and comfort, at church today. How does God always do that? How can I doubt a God who has revealed Himself so powerfully to me in all of the details over this past month? I am better today and have so many things to be thankful for that I am having a difficult time picking what to write! I am thankful for a husband who loves the Lord and is walking this journey with me. I am thankful that in spite of all of the failures and inadequacies of Mason and I, that God has blessed us with these amazing children who love Him and are trusting in Him as they support us in this journey. I am thankful for the body of Christ who have so powerfully upheld us in love and prayer. I am thankful for the privilege of serving the Creator of the universe Who loves me so much that He will patiently guide me and comfort me as I wrestle with Him. Psalm 5:11 "But let all those rejoice who put their trust in You, let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them, let those also who love Your name be joyful in You." Please pray for me as I seek God in this, let me hear His voice and grow in my trust in Him. Please continue to pray for Mason as he supports me that he will also be supported and comforted. Please pray for the kids, that people will continue to reach out to them in love and support, and that they will trust in the Lord and find comfort and strength in Him; that they will understand that He is their exceedingly great reward. As always, please pray that my body stays strong through the chemotherapy and that the cancer will be destroyed.