Thursday, September 17, 2009
shel-shocked
I could not post anything yesterday, I had not the anything to do so. On the way home from the hospital yesterday I decided that I was pulling the plug on this blog, my hope was gone and I had nothing to give. The fact that I am here writing today is a testament to the fact that God will not let go of me. I wish I could say that I came home and dug into His word, but I came home and shut down. I did not sleep last night and told Mason this morning that I could not fight. Since then I have been encouraged by my incredible husband and some wonderful emails reminding me that God loves me so much that He has placed an army of saints in my life who are uplifting me even when I am paralysed. At the bone biopsy prep I told the nurse that I couldn't even breathe, she gave me a zanax (?) and the Dr. wanted me to stay for 2 hrs after the procedure. I slept those 2 hours, more than I have slept in 2 or 3 days. Another gift. I am better and tomorrow, again, is another day. I am still terrified and very confused as to what God is doing. He has the big picture, I do not. Still shaken, Mason and I are blessed beyond measure with 4 incredible kids who love Him and love us; and with an incredible support of powerful prayer warriors and note writers all over the place. Thank you all, we will never be able to express what you mean to us. We have promised each other to remember daily (sometimes minute by minute) that He is our exceedingly great reward. Please keep the prayers and encouragement coming. While 'stage four cancer' sucks, God is good and will not leave me, even when I try to throw Him out. What a God I serve!
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Thanks for continuing to write, Vicki, in the midst of this valley of shadows. I couldn't sleep much last night either, and was praying for you continuously throughout the night, it seemed. God will continue to be your strength when you have none. Our love and prayers are with you!
ReplyDeleteHey Vicki, I am thrilled you decidede to keep fighting. You are a fighter and your faith in Christ is so strong. I won't pretend to understand that I know what your going through, but know I am here for whatever you need and whenever you may need it. Find your strength and peace in His word, even when you don't want to. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "My grace is sufficient for you, My strength is made perfect in your weakness". Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. I love ya girl!
ReplyDeleteI knew you were special...your ability to find the blessings of God during a devastating time is inspiring to all of us. I'm going to spend the evening with your Mom...I hope your ears don't burn :)I know she is looking forward to spending the weekend with you...your Aunt's just may have to do a sisters weekend in NC! I love you girl!
ReplyDeleteI love you kid!!! “The victory lies not with us, but with Christ, who has taken on him both to conquer for us and to conquer in us. The victory lies neither in our own strength to get it, nor in our enemies’ strength to defeat it. If it lay with us, we might justly fear. But Christ will maintain his own government in us and take our part against our corruptions. They are his enemies as well as ours.
ReplyDeleteLet us therefore be `strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might’ (Eph. 6:10). Let us not look so much at who (or what) our enemies are (is) as at who our judge and captain is, nor at what they threaten, but at what he promises. We have more for us than against us. What coward would not fight when he is sure of victory?”
—Richard Sibbes,
Suzanne and I are Battling with all our strength in prayer with you!!!!
Sean Brown!!!!
You've been on my heart and in my prayers all day today. I'm glad you are feeling our prayers because I know there hasn't been a minute of the day that we haven't had you covered in prayer! Hang in there and we'll keep praying!
ReplyDeleteKnow that Rick and I are praying very fervently for you. Since I don't sleep well either, you'll get extra coverage of prayer throughout the night. Ps. 63:6-8 says "When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches, because You have been my help, therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice. My soul follows close behind You; Your right hand upholds me." I hope that you have a special family time taking Alex to OSU this weekend. May the Holy Spirit give you comfort and quiet your soul. God is good all the time. All the time, God is good.
ReplyDeleteGood morning, Vicki,
ReplyDeleteI feel like I am helping "bear your burden" as I constantly think of you and your family and cry out to God for mercy, comfort and strength. I feel grief and sometimes anger at God for allowing this, but then where else do I run? Your life of faith and trust in the Lord is such a witness to me. I hope I can see you soon so I can give you a hug!
I pray that this trial you all are facing makes your family time even more precious and meaningful. The enemy loses! KNOW that so many of us are with you and helping carry you through thought and prayer!
Melanie and I are praying for you and all of your precious family. We love you. "Through the Lords mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Thy faithfulness. Lam 3:22-23
ReplyDeleteI too have been awake every night and praying for you. I have talked to others who are experiencing the same thing. I think God is asking us to help hold you up in prayer and I hope you can feel his very dear presence with you. We feel helpless anc cry out to God for his strength but I do know we can be prayer warriors and give you lots of love because we do love you. Keep on fighting girl!!!!
ReplyDeleteYes Sweetheart, Dave and I have also been up at night praying for you all. This morning we almost missed waking Jamie up for school because our thoughts were on you and we did not notice the time. Right now I am praying for this weekend - I pray for a lot of love and laughter as you take your Alex to Ohio State. I pray that she will be strengthened and encouraged as she tells you goodbye and begins her college journey. And I pray that she will quickly establish believing friends who will support her in the months to come. I pray for strength and encouragement for you and Mason. May God wrap His arms around right now. AMEN.
ReplyDeleteVicki,I can never imagine you being a quitter! As I said earlier, you possess a calm and mighty strength with such confidence. You are so courageous and humble. God will never let go of you. I think we all should somehow message each other when we are awake in the wee hours so we can call and pray together! I, too, wake often in the night and pray for you. One thing my mother suggested, as she fights chronic illness...find one thing, however tiny, everyday to give thanks for. There are days she gets pen and paper and makes herself write down all she has to give thanks for. Another thing that is tough, but an amazing boost is to just walk around and sing praises from the Psalms, even the Doxology. I heard a speaker once who said "praise is the detergent that cleans the cobwebs from our minds"
ReplyDeleteWe are praying for all of you as you travel...for Alex to be delivered into the hands of wonderful Christian girls who will quickly befriend her, for you and Mason to have an incredibly sweet time together.
The prayer that another friend battling cancer....may God continue to be your refuge and strength.
ReplyDelete"Hear, O LORD, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. Guard my life, for I am devoted to you. You are my God; save your servant who trusts in you. Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long. Bring joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you. Hear my prayer, O LORD; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me. Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord; no deeds can compare with yours. All the nations you have made will come and worship before you O Lord; they will bring glory to your name. For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God. Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave. The arrogant are attacking me, O God; a band of ruthless men (cancer) seeks my life-men without regard for you. But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. Turn to me and have mercy on me; grant your strength to your servant and save the son (daughter:) of your maidservant. Give me a sign of your goodness, that my enemies may see it and be put to shame, for you, O Lord, have helped me and comforted me."
I echo this Psalm as a prayer of my heart! I can trust God to give me strength for my present hard situation for I am poor and needy, I am devoted to Him, I call to Him all day long and I lift up my soul (verses 1-5). Thank you Lord for this word from your word!!! Karen Head- battling colon cancer