Today We're Wearing Hats!

"Today we're wearing hats!" was the caption Madi put with this picture on Instagram Wednesday.  We had spent the morning shaving my head and then getting dolled up for the reveal of my hat purchase and a matinee! She jumped in the car with her hat on and said "Okay, Mom.  Here we go!" Then she snapped this picture!

I kept thinking of God's command to honor our father and mother....  It means so many things, depending on our individual circumstances and God's call to us.  My mom had Alzheimer's, my call was different than my children's or even of each of my siblings.  God's call is always personal and unique.  We often want a basic instruction, I call it "The easy button"! God doesn't work that way, He is bigger and more personal than that.  Each of my children have lived out that command in different and special ways.  When your mom has cancer, sometimes the caregiver comes sooner than one would expect.  My kids have all been supportive and encouraging.  I have received text messages and phone calls of I love you's, how are you feeling?' and scripture.  I am blessed beyond measure!!!!

I must confess to feeling a little overwhelmed at the reality of losing my hair, again.  Chemo, again.  Cancer, again.  There was the beginning of a pity party; God....Why?  Then I saw my beautiful daunter in the mirror.  Gently concentrating on the task at hand, with that ever present smile of hers!  All grown up, honoring her mother in a very special and intimate way.  How can I whine when God always gives me gentle reminders of His presence as well as His attention to every detail?  Like me, Madi could have had a pity party.  Shaving your mother's head is above and beyond, isn't it?  But that's the beauty of serving this amazing God.  He calls us such a high calling.  Higher than we could ever go on our own.  So high that we fall on our knees, utterly dependent on Him.  Oh the unspeakable joy that is found in that place!  Being stretched beyond our limits, trusting Him for the victory!

David Crowder has a song that is so special to me called "How He Loves".  One of the lines, as he sings of God's powerful love for us cries out, "All of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory.  And I realize just how beautiful He is and how great His affections are for me...." God's love is perfect, and as powerful as love has to be from our perfect Creator, THE Creator!  It is a love that refines and sanctifies.  It is a love that expects much because it wants our best to shine in His glory.  It is a love that, while often tough and always overwhelming, brings unspeakable joy!  It is a love that I am so grateful for and so humbled by.  It is a love that makes me forget I have cancer and reminds me that He has this!  It is a love that allows Madi to smile as she shaves her mothers head.  He has my kids as He stretches and strengthens them.  He puts smiles in the middle of trials!

Last night we had a black tie event.  New dress, old wig!  I dug out the wig, washed and fluffed it.  I got all ready to go, and of course, I thought I looked hideous.  It looks like a wig.  I look like a cancer patient.  More whining.  Then Mason walked in.  His face lit up and he told me I was beautiful.  And he meant it!  Blessings beyond measure....  I felt beautiful the entire evening!

Then Mason told me he wants me to style my hair exactly like the wig when It grows back.  But that is for another post on another day!!!

There is always joy in the battle.  Trust Him.  Gaze on Him. May He become so big that you forget your afflictions!

Psalm 16:5,6 (ESV)
The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; You hold my lot.  The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.