Preparing For Battle

Okay, so the news today was not great...

The cancer seems to have spread. The biopsy from the endoscopy was not ready today, but the doctor is certain it is cancer.  The scans have all been"inconclusive", but the pattern of what lobular breast cancer does is apparent. The doctor said that the biopsy results will not change his prescribed course of treatment either way. So, here we go again.  Ready for battle.  I will have twelve treatments, one a week for twelve weeks.  I will see the doctor every three weeks, and have a ct scan every three months. If all is well, then I will continue with hormone therapy, just with a different drug.

I'm asking for prayer.  Prayer that the cancer responds to the chemo. Prayer that I do not experience any adverse side effects. Prayer that I remain strong and able to take every treatment on time. Prayer for my children. I know it seems strange to call them children, but they are precious to me and their mother is ill. Please pray that they trust in the amazing God that they serve, that they never doubt His sovereign presence and His faithful love. Prayer that I am a willing servant, a broken vessel for His good purposes. Prayer that He is glorified in every step of this process. My joy and peace are from Him. My strength is from Him. He is my shield, my exceedingly great reward.

I want to talk about the elephant in the room.  I am very frustrated that my doctor in Charlotte let this go so far. Mason said we are to be thankful that God brought us out here and gave me issues that caused me to persevere and seek the doctor here. My sister told me that it is a gift that I have been in this beautiful place and seen His glory so vividly for these last several months. I know Him more and trust Him more deeply. I am thankful that while I am frustrated, I am not angry.  None of this is a surprise to my Father, and I have a Savior battling for me. I will trust Him, no matter how confused or dazed I may have felt this afternoon. He is faithful, He is everything. Cancer doesn't change that.

Today as  I was driving in to Salt Lake City for my appointment I was playing the Passion cd "Take It All". It put my focus on my King and off of my circumstances.  Another gift that the cd has come out during this crazy few weeks! One song on there brought me to my knees and reminded me of what matters.

At The Cross (Love Ran Red)

There is a place where mercy reigns and never dies
There's a place where streams of grace flow deep and wide
Where all the love I've ever found comes like a flood
Comes flowing down

At the cross, at the cross
I surrender my life
I'm in awe of You
I'm in awe of You

Where Your love ran red
And my sin washed white
I owe all to You
I owe all to you, Jesus

There's a place where sin and shame are powerless
Where my heart has peace with God and forgiveness
Where all the love I've ever found comes like a flood
Comes flowing down

Here
My hope is found
Here
On Holy ground
Here I bow down
Here I bow down

Here
Arms open wide
Here
Arms open wide
Here
You saved my life

Here I bow down
Here I bow down

So thankful for peace that passes all understanding. So thankful for a Savior Who is real and personal.  So thankful that there is more than this. So thankful that I do not battle alone.

I leave tonight with a verse that God gave me the first day the doctor found the mass in my abdomen. He is always here...

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

And in Him, I can.