Hope in Him

I saw the surgeon today and got the results of the detailed pathology report. The news was not good, but, as the doctor says, it was not bad. The breast tissue was filled with cancer. She did get a clean margin, meaning that the chemo moved the cancer back enough that she feels she cleanly removed all of it with the mastectomy. She took 20 lymph-nodes on the right side, four of them had cancer. The sentinal nodes that showed clean in surgery from the left side, she took two, both had cancer cells in them. She feels that the radiation will take care of that, but she will consult with the oncologist, I see him on Monday. This is what they expected, and is the picture they painted to Mason and I from the beginning. My cancer is not curable and they have only ever expected to try to contain it. My prayer and expectation has been for a miracle. Clearly the news was very difficult to hear and I find myself at that strange place of being frustrated at the situation and at my reaction. God is God, He is in control and He desires good for me. I am, once again, in that strange place of knowing He is my only hope but being mad at His decision. His grace is sufficient for each new day and I know He will restore me. For tonight, I am tired and I will turn to Him for rest. Tomorrow is a new day and His mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness. Lamentations 3:24 "'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'Therefore I hope in Him.'"