Cancer Survivor

This past Friday was "National Cancer Survivor Day". On the last day of my radiation Mason called me as I was leaving the parking garage and congratulated me on no longer being a cancer patient. My new title, he said, is "cancer survivor". I hit the road running after radiation. I have been crazy busy and very happy to have the normal chaos of being Mason's wife and the mother of four mostly adult children! Mason Thomas is heading to Ohio tomorrow. He is grabbing Alex and heading to Cedar Pointe for some roller coaster thrills, then bringing her home for the summer. We got the stage 4 diagnosis only three days before she was leaving for Ohio State to begin her freshman year. That seems like such a long time ago and I am indescribably thankful that there is much joy and laughter associated with her return for summer break. Everyone is settled and relaxed, the tension and concern for Mom is subsided, and we are resting. I take a pill daily and an infusion every four weeks to address the effects of cancer on my bones. I am feeling well, normal really. Trusting God as I continue to not know what tomorrow brings but abide in Him day to day. If I sound like I have it together, believe me, I do not. I wrestle with crazy thoughts, sometimes day to day, sometimes minute to minute, sometimes less. I do, however, have a Savior who loves me and holds me tight; and ALWAYS brings me back. He has placed me among so many amazing people who have loved me so very much. I am thankful for Mason, Jillian, Mason Thomas, Alex, and Madi; for my girlfriends!; for StoneBridge, and for the prayers and love of so many people in so many places. I have a scan in late July and then I will see the oncologist for the results. Until then, we are asking and trusting for complete healing. Please continue to pray for us, for peace and for healing. Sunday night the Pastor spoke on anxiety. I had been looking for a verse to share with this post, and God gave it to me then. (Thanks Kevin!) Philippians 4:4 - 7 "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and you minds in Christ Jesus."

Abiding...

Tomorrow is my last full radiation, I have completed 27 of 28! After my treatment tomorrow they will do the set-up for next week, five treatments that they call "boost" for the scars. The radiation will be concentrated on the scars from surgery, as studies show that the cancer likes to hide in that tissue. Next Friday I will be completely finished with the aggressive parts of my oncologist's treatment plan. The doctor I saw today is new to me, my doctor is on vacation, and said he was amazed at how well I am doing. He said that he was expecting my chest to be far worse at this point of my therapy. I am very pink and a little irritated in areas, but I am not miserable and not blistering. I am so thankful for all of your prayers on my behalf, and for the loving protection God has graced me with. I am feeling great, and very appreciative! As this final phase of my treatment comes to a close I confess to a tapestry of emotions. I am thankful for how I have been truly carried through this by the love of so many and by the grace of my Lord. Mason has been incredible through this and I am speechless at how this horrible disease has brought so much blessing to our marriage. Jillian, Mason Thomas, Ally, and Madi have been blessed by so many of you, as they have watched the body of Christ in such an intimate way. They have been strengthened in their faith as they have fully surrendered to their Savior who has beautifully revealed Himself to each of them in such special and unique ways. I wish I knew what tomorrow will bring, but I do not. I have learned much over these past months and surrender is at the top of the very long list. I have been really thinking on what it is to abide in the Lord. The stained glass image in the radiation room of the branch and vines has sent me to John 15, and each day I lay on that table I ponder God's word. That has been 27 days of pondering! I wish I had something profound to share with you, but I really don't. I have a peace and a joy that is quiet but real. I don't know how to describe it and I am certainly not a theologian, but to me abiding in the Lord means that I am ok not knowing what tomorrow will bring. His love is sufficient and perfect and I can trust Him with tomorrow. Understanding that love and trusting in it does not come easy to this child of a restless alcoholic, but as I abide in Him, that love is finally freeing me in a way I thought was not possible for me. Thank you for hanging with me on this very long and crazy journey, and for letting me share my thoughts with you as I learn and grow. Your prayers and support have been powerful and have meant so very much to the Vincent family! Please continue to pray for us as we continue in this battle, pray that the doctors will be blown away at the healing power of our amazing God! John 15:9 "Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love."

Normal...

We are doing well, settling in to a new normal. I have completed nine radiation treatments, it is really two weeks and today started my third. I am feeling great, probably the best I have felt in a long time, certainly since before the cancer diagnosis. I have hair growing back, not ready to lose the wig yet, but it is definitely more than stubs. I shaved my legs on Thursday for the first time since September! Not because I have gotten lazy or suddenly French, but because there has been nothing there to shave since the first chemo treatment! I was very excited, but I cut my leg so I guess I am a little rusty. My enthusiasm was a little crushed today when I realized that I really need to shave again! Thankful for normal! On the subject of returning hair, I plucked my eyebrows and put on mascara for Thursday night! I have not had eyebrows or eyelashes for a few months. My eyelashes are short, but they are there! Thankful for normal. I ironed on Thursday! I know, I'm strange. I am probably the last American standing who still irons, but I do and I like that Mason has nicely ironed clothes to choose from hanging in his closet. I haven't had the energy to do this chore and Mason irons as he needs. It was a great victory for me to do laundry last week and return the 'ironing' basket empty to it's proper place...sad but thrilling! Thankful for normal! It has been a special gift from God that there has been so much victory in the little things during this special time for Christ followers called Holy Week. As I have wrestled so much with God over these last few months, struggling to completely surrender as I completely trust in Him, this week has been a sweet reminder of all that I have in Him and how amazing His love is for me. I serve a risen Savior who has defeated even death and has so much more for us than the here and now of this world. Today I am thankful for His amazing grace. John 11:25 "Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live.' "

Doing better...

This has been an interesting week. I am glad to have one week of radiation behind me! The treatment on Friday only took about twenty minutes, much improved over the two and a half hours on Monday! They seem to have everything figured out and lined up properly, so maybe the twenty minutes will be my new normal. Normal seems to be a moving target these days. Mason and I were at Home Depot a couple of weeks ago and the lady helping us asked if I was still in chemo or had recently finished. I was wearing a warm up and a hat, no wig that day. The bald and breastless thing was very apparent. This woman spent a long time talking to us, she had been through ovarian cancer a few years ago. When Mason and I left we both were wondering how she knew I had been through chemo! Mason looked at me and we started cracking up, he said it was pretty crazy when this is normal! I have not been feeling well for a couple of weeks, just tired and achy. Thursday I started running a fever and having shivers. It would come and go, I thought maybe I just needed to slow down and rest. Friday I didn't feel great and by the time I went to bed last night I had the shivers again. After the girls went to bed I checked my temperature and it was 103.6. When I got up this morning it was 102, I thought I was improving. Soon I had the shivers again and my temperature was between 104 and 105. Dr. Limentani sent me to the emergency room. They were very good about protecting me from germs, and about protecting my arms. It turns out I have either a UTI or a kidney infection. My new normal has been feeling sluggish, I guess I need to pay better attention! Thank you to all of my prayer warrior girl friends who rallied today when Madi put out the call for help. I am so blessed. Mason is in Martinsville this week, it was very hard for him not to be here today. I just spoke with him and he said it is 100% chance of rain tomorrow. I have a treatment on Monday and an appointment with Dr. Limentani. There is nothing major happening, he really is not doing any new treatment until after radiation. I still hope that Mason can be there. If you read this before race time tomorrow, please pray for God to hold the rain in Martinsville. Today I am thankful for my beautiful daughters who love me and are always there, and for my girl friends, and always for Mason. Today was a reminder to me of how God has protected me so much throughout. My body is being put through a lot, and I have experienced amazing grace as I have come through everything so well. Thank you all, once again, for your continued prayer. Isaiah 26:4 "Trust in the LORD forever, for in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting strength."

Radiation: The Sequel

I received my first radiation treatment today. It was not uneventful; I am receiving a lot of radiation and they are, thankfully, being meticulous in the angles and numbers. I was there for over two hours yesterday, and for about two hours today. I laid on the table with my arms over my head holding on to a bar, as they arranged the machine, took xrays, and rearranged the machine. They are trying to cover all the areas I need to be covered, and still protect my heart and lungs. My chest has so many drawings on it, I look like I am wearing a treasure map! I am doing well; Mason asked me if I was scared. I really wasn't. The ceiling in the room where I will receive my treatment everyday has a stained glass art above the table where I lay. Yesterday, as I was settling in on the table with all of the instructions and gadgets surrounding me, I looked up and could see, peaking out around the big machine directly above me, a branch and vines. I was so thankful for the calming reminder from my Savior that He is with me always. (John 15:5) After about thirty minutes or more, the big machine moved to the side a little, and straight ahead of me was a beautiful butterfly, in garnet and gold! (for those who know me well, you get the personal touch via the FSU reminder!) Mason and I did a Bible study called the 'Truth Project' last year. The leader spoke of times in his life of trials or wrestling with God as being in a cocoon and struggling to get out. What emerges after that intense struggle is a beautiful butterfly. It is my prayer that this journey, which I have struggled so much in, will graciously free me as a beautiful butterfly; free to joyfully trust and serve my God, beautifully equipped for whatever He calls me to. Today I am thankful for the wonderful privilege of knowing my Savior and being able to turn to Him in complete trust. I am thankful for His hand in all of this, that is guiding the beams of light to the cancer cells while He protects what is good. I am thankful for the many prayers from all of you, and many more, for me and my family. I am thankful for God's obvious presence in Jillian, Mason Thomas, Ally, and Madi. I am thankful for Mason and for his unwavering love and support, for his calm in all of my chaos. I am blessed by his faith when mine is weak. Please continue to pray for my children, for Mason, and for my peace and healing. Please pray for the radiation, for the precise set up and for it to do it's job, for the wisdom and focus of the doctor and the staff who will be working with me. Also, please continue to pray for Dr. Limentani, as he makes decisions about my continued treatment. Thank you all for hanging in there with us on this very long journey. 1 Timothy 1:12 "I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that He considered me faithful, appointing me to His service."

Radiation

Yesterday I had my 'radiation simulation'. They used laser lights and a CT Scan to get all of the angles right for my radiation treatment. I spent about an hour in the simulation, I now have four tattoos and four crosses written in "indelible ink" across my stomach and chest area! There was a radiation technician, a radiation technician student, and my radiation oncologist, all men. The technician was explaining that I would be getting some tattoos, very small dots, and they would be writing on my chest. They asked me if I was okay with that, the markings would remain for the duration of my treatment. I looked down at my chest, such as it is after a double mastectomy, and just giggled! Seriously? Once again, God has been gracious to me in an unexpected way. We have prayed for clear direction for my radiation oncologist. Because of the pathology from my surgery there are no grey areas for my radiation treatment. It is all, "If, then"; there are NO "If, maybe". I will have seven weeks of radiation, five times a week. The doctor said to expect to be tired, but that it should be easier than chemo. Last week after our consult with the radiation oncologist, Mason said that it is kind of neat that these little beams of light do so much. He said it is like God shining His light into the darkness and destroying the evil. (I am so glad I married him, he is a keeper!) In case I forget that analogy as a reminder that God is my ever-present warrior fighting this battle for me, I now have four crosses to remind me every time I change clothes or shower! These last few weeks have been kind of difficult for me. I have had so many wonderful encourager's and I have been digging into Gods word, remembering Who He is and all that He has done, and immersing myself in music. This has been a long road, and there is still much ahead of me. I am feeling better, but I am so thankful that I am not alone in this. Please continue to pray for me, for my peace and strength, and for my healing. Please continue to pray for Mason, he is busy with the season and has his hands full at home. We celebrated our 29th wedding anniversary last week, and I am so very thankful for him; he remains to be all that God has instructed him to be as a husband and father, and as a man of God. Please pray that God will continue to bless him and strengthen him through this long season. The kids continue to be such a blessing to us, please pray for them as we begin another leg of this journey. Pray that they will grow in their relationship with the Lord as they trust Him with everything. Alex is home for almost two weeks for her spring break! Please pray that it will be a sweet time for all of us. I am thankful for a Father who loves me, and for a Savior who intercedes with prayer on my behalf. None of this is a surprise to my Sovereign God, and He is always with me, He is my strength and comfort. Hebrews 13:20-21 "Now the God of peace, who brought up from the dead the great Shepherd of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant, Jesus our Lord, equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen."

Living With Cancer

I met with the oncologist on Monday. He reminded me that he never promised to be able to destroy all of the cancer, he has always told me that my disease is incurable. He has always held the hope that he can contain the cancer, it is a chronic disease that he will treat, much like a diabetic can only be treated, not cured. He said, "Vicki, you have cancer running through your body, how do you feel?" I feel fine, and that was his point. I have to learn to live with cancer. While I am somewhat ashamed of the fact that as a Christian, I had to receive a pep talk from my doctor who does not seem to know my Lord, I was expecting a miracle. I know my God is a God of miracles and He is capable of destroying this cancer in my body. For now, however, He has chosen not to. He is still good, and He still loves me, and He is righteous in all He does. My Father has never left me, and will not let go of me no matter how many temper tantrums I throw! Praise be to Him, Who is worthy of all my praise. For now, I had my first monthly infusion of Zometa (?), a medicine given to osteoperosis patience for bone strength, given in HUGE doses to me to help counter the negative effects of the cancer on my bones. The side effects are aches of the bones for a day or so. It was a rough day today, I truly felt like an old lady! I have a consult on Monday with a radiology oncologist and will hopefully begin my radiation in a couple of weeks. Dr. Limentani is running some blood tests in an effort to determine if I am pre or post menopausal, it matters because he needs to know which medicine to give me for long term stabilization of my cancer which is estrogen fed. Mason said it would have been nice if I could have gotten cancer at a earlier or later time so that this would not have been such a difficult decision. I reminded him that God's timing is perfect and I trust that He will direct Dr. Limentani. For now, I will trust that God will complete His good work that He has begun in me and that I will learn to live with cancer. Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. Mason kept telling me last week that God would restore me, He did in September and He would again. When I sat in church on Sunday, singing His praises with this beautiful body of believers, I could not help but be in awe of Him and all that He has done for me and my family. This will be a crazy journey, full of ups and downs, but God will sustain me. When I fall, He will pick me up. Please continue to pray for my peace and for Mason as he has his hands full! The travel is hard, and his leaving last week was one of the hardest things we have faced in this battle. I am blessed to be here, surrounded by my sweet kids and our church family. Mason has to leave every week so please pray for him and that God would fill him with His Spirit of peace and trust. Please continue to pray for Jillian, Mason Thomas, Alex, and Madi. They have been incredible but I do not take that for granted, and ask that you continue to hold them up with your prayers. Please pray for wisdom for my doctors as they have to make decisions regarding my medication and radiation treatments. And please continue to pray for my healing, I still believe in His miracles! I leave you with a beautiful verse that God gave to Mason last week as a comfort to me, and it was. Zephaniah 3:17 "The LORD your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."

Hope in Him

I saw the surgeon today and got the results of the detailed pathology report. The news was not good, but, as the doctor says, it was not bad. The breast tissue was filled with cancer. She did get a clean margin, meaning that the chemo moved the cancer back enough that she feels she cleanly removed all of it with the mastectomy. She took 20 lymph-nodes on the right side, four of them had cancer. The sentinal nodes that showed clean in surgery from the left side, she took two, both had cancer cells in them. She feels that the radiation will take care of that, but she will consult with the oncologist, I see him on Monday. This is what they expected, and is the picture they painted to Mason and I from the beginning. My cancer is not curable and they have only ever expected to try to contain it. My prayer and expectation has been for a miracle. Clearly the news was very difficult to hear and I find myself at that strange place of being frustrated at the situation and at my reaction. God is God, He is in control and He desires good for me. I am, once again, in that strange place of knowing He is my only hope but being mad at His decision. His grace is sufficient for each new day and I know He will restore me. For tonight, I am tired and I will turn to Him for rest. Tomorrow is a new day and His mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness. Lamentations 3:24 "'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'Therefore I hope in Him.'"

God Glorified...

I am still doing very well. I have taken a little more pain medicine since the "on Q" pump was removed last night, but it has been very manageable and nothing to complain about. I continue to be so moved by all that God is doing. We went to church yesterday! It was such a sweet thing to see the awe of so many people who have been praying as they witnessed answered prayer in living color! The worship was extra special as we offered all our praises up to our wonderful Lord, along side our StoneBridge family who have been so wonderful through this. On Saturday we were talking about what to do on Sunday, I do have four drain tubes and the respective bottles to catch what is draining. It is not a very pleasant site. Jillian said that we could figure out a way to hide them, but that the church deserved to see all that God is doing! So I put on jeans and one of Mason's dress shirts, Mason attached the drain tube ensemble to the 'on Q' ensemble, I threw on a shawl, grabbed lots of tissues, and off we went. God was indeed glorified! I was thinking today of all He has done, of all that He has brought me through, of His grace and mercy that have been so freely poured on me and my family. I am very private, I know that doesn't seem possible, but I am. To go to church carrying all that I did is amazing in itself. I really was afraid I may offend someone. Today I stood in front of the mirror as I prepared to shower. I don't like what I see, this is such an invasive disease, yet I am not freaking out. I have peace, just as I did on the way to the surgery and in pre-op. To take a shower, Mason has to stand outside of the shower holding all of my attachments. I keep thinking that one day I will have hair again and will hopefully look less alienesque! Perspective, that word has come up a lot over these last few months! I know that I have quite a road ahead of me, and there will be good days and bad days. I know the enemy will try to steal my peace as he tries to tell me I am a freak, but I know that God will protect me, my Savior will carry me, and the Holy Spirit will empower me as I rest in Him. I received a card in the mail today, providentially, that showed the names of God. As I continue on this journey I am reminded that my God is all things. Tonight He is Jehovah-Nissi, battle fighter; Jehovah-Rophe, healer; Jehovah-Shalom, giver of peace. To Him be the glory. Isaiah 26:8 "Yes, in the way of Your judgments, O Lord, we have waited for You; the desire of our soul is for Your name and for the remembrance of You."

Home!

I am writing this from our family room! Less than 24 hours after my surgery was complete, I am home! I am overwhelmed by the love and mercy of my awesome God. I am feeling very well, I have an 'onQ' pump, it is keeping the site numbed and I am not really taking much pain medicine. Took some at about 4:30 this morning really to help me sleep. I will do the same tonight. Maybe when this pump runs out I will experience more discomfort, but somehow I doubt it! Thank you all so very much for your prayers, love, and encouragements. Mason and I, as well as Jillian, Mason Thomas, Alex, and Madi, have all felt the powerful love of our God. We are touched by the attention He has given to us throughout this journey, and especially this week. I am so very thankful for the miracle of the preliminary lab report, for the incredible way I feel right now, and for being home with my family. We are trusting that the extensive lab report will also show the miraculous healing power of our loving God. Please continue to pray with us for my complete healing and for peace for all of us, but, for today, please join us as we praise Him for all that He has done. Psalm 28:7 "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him.

God's good work...

Hi Everyone,

This blog is coming to you today from a different perspective. It is a collaborative effort between two of Vicki's daughters: Jillian and Madi. We are sitting here in mom's room at the hospital, talking to a very alert, yet very tired patient! Her surgery took about 4 hours and went really well! They did not have to take any lymph-nodes from her left side! yay God!!! The doctors also said that what they removed looked as expected, scarred from where the chemo had killed any cancer cells, but that upon first glance they (the 'nodes') seem to be cancer free. We will know for sure in a week or so, but this is very exciting news!

We arrived at the hospital this morning at 6am for registration and she was taken back for prep at 6:30am. It has been a very long day for all of us but sitting here in the room with her, we are reminded that one day of restless waiting is well worth it to be talking to a "healthy" mom! Yes, I didn't mistype... both her anesthesiologist and surgeon used that exact word, healthy! What an amazing God we have! Our mother has been through six chemo treatments and now a major surgery and she is considered healthy!

Dad suggested we title this blog "halfway there" ... seeing as how we still don't have a title (don't worry, there will be one by the time we post), I guess that will be the working title. In a sense, its very fitting. The chemo was part one, this surgery is part two, the radiation is the next step, and the final and closing chapter will be the reconstruction process. It reminds me of the promise God makes to complete the work that he begins in us. I believe this is definitely a work... I know that it hasn't always seemed like a "good work" but it has brought us together as a family (especially since we are spread out across the entire eastern half of the country), shown us the power of our Creator in a way that was inescapable, and made us rely fully on His grace to get us, HER, through this battle. He has provided not only His perfect healing hand and guidance for all of her doctors, but He's given her an army of prayer warriors boldly asking for her healing. We as her family have felt the strength and peace of Christ's body of believers as they embrace us through prayer from all over the country! Prayer is such an amazing thing and to quote our mom "I will never say, 'all I can do is pray'" because we know that it is more powerful than fathomable.

You all should know that as we've sat here writing this blog, mom has been falling in and out of sleep. She's looking so good! Making jokes when she's awake, lightly snoring when she's catchin' some zzzz's.... She is smiling and laughing and we are so happy to be sitting here in this little room to laugh and smile with her. From the mouth of the patient herself, "Good news today, Praise God! and, THANK YOU ALL FOR THE PRAYERS!"

Tomorrow...

Psalm 20

May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble!
May the name of the God of Jacob set you securely on high!
May He send you help from the sanctuary
And support you from Zion!
May He remember all your meal offerings
And find your burnt offering acceptable!

May He grant you your heart's desire
And fulfill all your counsel!
We will sing for joy over your victory,
And in the name of our God we will set up our banners.
May the Lord fulfill all your petitions.

Now I know that the Lord saves His anointed;
He will answer him from His holy heaven
With the saving strength of His right hand.
Some boast in chariots and some in horses,
But we will boast in the name of the Lord, our God.
They have bowed down and fallen,
But we have risen and stood upright.
Save, O Lord;
May the King answer us in the day we call.

Thank you for your love and prayers as we trust Him with all our tomorrows!

Argh...

It has been a very busy week and I have been on quite a mental and spiritual treadmill. I say that because I have gone on a journey that has returned me to where I began on Monday morning. The news has basically been good, at least not bad, but I seem to have to keep processing the same thing over and over. The appointment with the oncologist was on Monday. The CT scan shows the cancer on the bones to be stable, which is the best we can ask for at this time. If the cancer was killed instantly, it will show for about a year; much like a bone has to recover from a fracture, it has to recover from the damage of the cancer after the cancer is destroyed. He said that in his judgement I should have the surgery as planned. This is truly an answer to prayer, it gave confirmation to Mason and gave us unity as we go into surgery next week. I guess what set me off, and honestly I really don't know, irrationality is difficult to explain, is the reality that the doctor expects the cancer to come back somewhere. It is in my blood so it is difficult to contain. I said that it could never come back, and he said that was true. Not what he is expecting. Then doubt entered and fear was right behind. Then I was mad at myself for doubting God and His power and goodness. Then guilt. You see where I am going and why the title of this blog. I am thankful that I serve a gracious God who is patient, who loves me perfectly, and never lets go of me even when I am weak and bratty. A friend had given me a massage as a gift that just happened to be later that day. This was a school that was having clinicals for their students, and the student who did my massage just so happened to be a nurse and a breast cancer survivor! She shared her story and later told me that I am very healthy, my skin and my color, I am very healthy. What a nice thing for God to do for me in my weakness. How can I doubt His love when He is ALWAYS so tender with me. Tuesday I saw the surgeon for my pre-op visit and she was very encouraging. She presented my case at a convention and all agreed that I should have the surgery. She was surprised by this, conventional wisdom is that stage 4 cancer is such a high risk for a return in another area of the body that it does not warrant putting the patient through a surgery that can do nothing to prevent such a spread. In my case, however, the response of the cancer to the chemo has been incredible; thereby recommending the surgery to go ahead and remove the source. A friend told me this week that I am surrounded by God everyday, but when I go to the doctor they do not invite God in. God can whisper this cancer away, He can certainly destroy it through the medicine. Whether the doctors acknowledge His miracles or not, His power is real, His goodness is real, and His healing miracles are real. Mason and I are back where we began, able to laugh and trusting in our wonderful Savior. He was telling me a story today about someone whose girl friend is a couple of months ahead of me on her breast cancer journey. I reminded him that she was not lucky like me to have this weird cancer and stage 4; he reminded me that because my case is so hopeless, God will get all the glory. I am not brave, I am not strong, I am not a hero of faith. I am weak and broken, and I am utterly dependent on a loving God. Because I am so very hopeless, God will get all of the glory as I persevere in this trial. As I place my trust in Him, I am made strong in Him. Please pray for me as I fight this spiritual and physical battle, that I will trust God and yield to Him. We are boldly asking God to let the pathology report from my surgery come back showing absolutely no cancer remaining; please boldly pray with us. Please pray that God is glorified in every aspect of this trial. Isaiah 41:10 "Fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

Feeling Better

I was reminded today that I have not written in a while. I am feeling much better, every day brings more normalcy. I love God's word and I love to lead Bible studies. I have not been doing that over these past few months because of the chemotherapy. In November I volunteered to teach a marriage class with a friend at church. I thought that it would be a piece of cake, January 22 was almost two weeks after my last chemo and I would be fine. Well, it was not easy. I was really wiped out after that last treatment and was so thankful that I was not teaching the class alone! My friend and I were comical, she is even older than me (by a little, but it counts!), and is going back to school. Her first week back was the week before the class. God is good, and in spite of all of our inadequacies, the class went well and He was glorified. It was good to be productive again. In spite of the struggle of pulling something together through fatigue and heart burn, it felt good to be doing more than surviving. I lead the women's weekly Bible Study at church this week. It felt good to be doing that again, and it was the same joy of giving in service rather than receiving. All that being said, it took all of my energy to be able to lead in those classes. Now it is Thursday night and it was a very busy day. I am feeling so much better, I really can forget that I have cancer as I enjoy the quiet leading up to my surgery. I will let tomorrow worry about itself and trust in the Lord for today, enjoying His peace. Mason leaves next week, as the season is quickly approaching. He is returning for a few days the following week to come to doctor appointments with me. I have a CT scan next week, then Dr. Limentani on Feb. 8. I believe he will go over the plan for radiation and beyond. I have a consult with a plastic surgeon on Feb. 9, please pray for wisdom and peace as we explore my options for reconstruction. I see the surgeon on the 10th for my pre-op visit, and the anesthesiologist on the 11th for pre-op. I am scheduled for surgery on February 18th. So far I am very calm as the date quickly approaches. Please pray for my continued peace, as well as for Mason and the kids. Jillian will be driving home on the 17th to be here for my surgery, and Alex will be flying home the following week to be here when Mason has to travel for a race. Pray for wisdom and discernment for all of the doctors and medical staff involved. There will be a pathologist in the operating room to determine how many lymph nodes will be taken, pray for that process and decision. Thank you all for hanging with us through this journey, your prayers and encouragement have helped to carry us. I am so very thankful for the crazy normal that is creeping back into my life and our home, and for my returning strength and energy. I turned 50 this week. That can be a difficult birthday for women, especially when it is surrounded by so many medical appointments! For me, this has been a week of celebration; Mason Thomas said it was "Mom's Birthday Week of Fun". What a blessing to be reminded in such a special way of how loved I am, how much I have been rescued from, and what a gracious and merciful Savior I serve! 1 Peter 5:10 "After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you."

DONE!!! Well, sort of...

I have completed six of six chemo treatments! All of them were taken as scheduled, which is a huge praise! I want to give glory to God for all that He has done in these past few months. He has protected me and kept me strong through all of the chemotherapy, He even put a wall around me when Madi was so sick with the flu. He has been gracious to me and given me peace that I thought was impossible to have in this situation. He cleared the weather each week during the season so that Mason came home on time and never missed an appointment or a treatment. He has loved on our children in such a special way and given them peace and a faith through this that amazes me. The Vincent family has been so blessed by the Body of Christ, I cannot even describe how we have been touched. Our Lord has so directed the prayers of His people that there is no doubt of His love and mercy, and His sovereign power and goodness. Today I had an MRI. The radiologist just called, the same one who kept calling with bad news early in this journey. She said that "image-wise" there is no sign of any cancer in my breasts! She said that I should be celebrating this weekend, as my body has responded incredibly well to the chemotherapy and that all that I have gone through has been worth it! I am sitting here in amazement as I think of how God always meets me where I am. My last comment was confessing that I was looking for a doctor to assure me, but I do not and should not need that. Yet, my loving Father has let this doctor say what no one else would, the cancer is gone. My hope is in the Lord, I know this, and no words of man will tear me down or build me up. Still, I think it a sweet gift from Him to hear a doctor acknowledge His healing power. I still have a long way to go, there are more tests, more appointments, more decisions. But for today, I will rest in His grace and peace. Thank you for your prayers and please continue with us on this journey. Today, join us as we praise Him for our good news and trust Him with all of our tomorrows. Psalm 62:5 "My soul waits silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him."

Kisses from God...again!

I am writing this with my mind going around and around. I have so much joy and yet such a heavy heart. I want to share the powerful experience of Passion 2010. It was so amazing to watch more than 20,000 college students come together for the common purpose of worshipping and seeking our amazing God. The kids were incredible! I was so moved as I had the wonderful experience of interacting with them, they were happy, polite, calm, respectful! I had so much fun just being around them! To watch the passion they have in their worship was such a blessing to me. God responded to them in a special and powerful way, I have never experienced such a thing. I have been so filled by the experience and I had a front row seat to witness living faith and belief that is more than just words. What an inspiring and challenging week for my personal faith in our powerful, loving, and merciful God. I came home Tuesday night and had an appointment with the surgeon on Wednesday afternoon. That was a strong dose of reality. Being so tired, I'm sure, did not help with how I received all that I heard that day. It was difficult. I was painfully reminded that I will never hear a doctor say that this is finished, the battle is won. That is something I know and I thought I had processed, but clearly I am still a work in progress. My surgery is scheduled for February 23. I was told that I cannot have the beginning of my reconstruction at the time of my masectomy, it will probably be close to a year before that happens. The radiation I have to have is very damaging to the tissue and I need to allow time for healing and rebuilding before I do any reconstruction. In the mean time, I have appointments for a consult with the plastic surgeion, an MRI, and a CT scan. All of this is ground work for my surgery and deciding my continued treatment. I keep being shown that God's grace is sufficient and that it is usually for today. Tomorrow's will come tomorrow! So for today, please pray for my chemo treatment on Monday. Pray that I will be strong and ready for it, that it will do what it is supposed to do, kill cancer. Also, I know that my surgery will, at the very least, remove the lymphnodes on the right side. There is a 20% chance that I will have a swollen arm because of this. I don't really understand all of this, but this swollen arm thing is permanent. I am asking for prayer that I am protected from this side effect. The doctor said that there is an 80% chance that this won't happen. I am the lucky one who got the breast cancer that only 15% of breast cancer is, and only 20% of that cancer is in both breasts, me again. I think you see my point, my hope is clearly not in the numbers, but in the mercy of my God. So I am asking for more grace and protection. As always, I am asking for complete healing from this horrible disease. I ask that you continue to pray, with believing, for God to remove every cancer cell from my body, even the most microscopic cell. I am tired and weary, please pray for God to lift me and encourage me. I ask the same for Mason and the kids; when I am down, please pray that they will not be discouraged. The reality of this very short off season has hit us this week. The appointments we made for all of these scans and consults were worked around the NASCAR schedule. Some of them could not be worked out for Mason to be here. Please pray for our peace and contentment as we continue to persevere on this long journey. I called this "Kisses from God...again!" because I was reminded this week of the gift God gave me in experiencing Him so powerfully at Passion 2010 right before I went for such a difficult visit with the surgeon. I was telling one of our college students about a specific intervention of God at Passion when it struck me that the faith and confidence Louie Giglio showed as he trusted God for His provision in this situation, was exactly the confidence I should have in my God and Savior. I have asked for healing and I do not need the doctors to believe in the impossible, I know that God is faithful and powerful, sovereign over all things. I need to confidently believe Him. Isaiah 43:2 "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you; When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you."

Praises, again!

I am writing this from Atlanta, which is a praise in itself! But first, the medical details. I had my ten day blood work on Wednesday and all was well. They are watching my white blood cells, my hemoglobin, and my platelets. The white blood cells and the platelets are normal, and the hemoglobin is 10.7, normal is 12. That is amazing for a woman who has had five of six chemo treatments! The nurse was very excited, but my praise does not end there. I have been in Atlanta since Wednesday afternoon. We have been working set-up for Passion 2010. I have not once felt like a cancer patient, or even weak or old. No one here knows I have cancer, there has never been a need for me to ask for rest or to bow out of anything. I have kept pace with Mason and Madi, and with all of the volunteers. I am overwhelmed, again, at God's protection and faithfulness. I read this week about Peter, when he was imprisoned by Herod. Acts 12:5 says "So Peter was kept in the prison, but prayer for him was being made fervenetly by the church to God." Peter was rescued from prison, and verse 10 says that "...they came to the iron gate that leads into the city, which opened for them by itself, ..." That is how I feel this experience has been. My iron gate has been this cancer, the chemo therapy, and my fear. I have been miraculously carried past many guards and through gates that have been opened many times in these last few months, and this week is another act of God's amazing grace. I read an article last night about the command in Galatians 6 to "bear one another's burdens". I am so happy to be here, contributing in my little ways, to this incredible ministry. It feels so good to be the one praying for another, serving another; it has been such a long road of needing and receiving prayer and support. Thanks to all of that support, I get to serve this week! I am thankful for so much, and this week I am especially thankful for the energy and strength that has allowed me to forget about cancer and serve in a little way in building God's Kingdom. Galatians 6:10 "So then, while we have opportuniy, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith."

Merry Christmas!

I am sittiing here writing this, so filled with joy and a desire to somehow give back to all of you even a fraction of what you have given to me. I am so very thankful on this Christmas to have a joy that is 'unspeakable'. I do not take for granted this year, and I pray never again, the hope that is mine in my living Savior. The hope that we all have when we trust in Him. I thank you all for your support and especially for your prayers. I have experienced the 'Body of Christ' through the wonderful love, prayers, and encouragement of so many of you. Just as I have nothing of worth to offer my Savior, I do not know how I could ever repay what I have been blessed with through each of you. I found this poem in my reading this month and I would like to share it with you, it is the best Christmas present I could think of! It is from "Streams in the Desert", there is no credit given for the writer of the poem.

If you have gone a little way ahead of me, call back--
It will cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track;
And if, perhaps, Faith's light is dim, because the oil is low,
Your call will guide my lagging course as wearily I go.

Call back, and tell me that He went with you into the storm;
Call back, and say He kept you when the forest's roots were torn;
That, when the heavens thunder and the earthquake shook the hill,
He bore you up and held you where the lofty air was still.

O friend, call back, and tell me for I cannot see your face;
They say it glows with triumph, and your feet sprint in the race;
But there are mists between us and my spirit eyes are dim,
And I cannot see the glory, though I long for word of Him.

But if you'll say He heard you when your prayer was but a cry,
And if you'll say He saw you through the night's sin-darkened sky--
If you have gone a little way ahead, O friend, call back--
It will cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track.

I am calling back to all of you, we serve an amazing God who is indeed all sufficient and abounding in grace and mercy. He has carried me tenderly thus far, and I know He will continue to answer as I cry out to Him. Isaiah 12:2, 4 "Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation. And in that day you will say 'Give thanks to the Lord, call on His name. Make known His deeds among the peoples; Make them remember that His name is exalted.'"

Five Down, One to Go!

I can hardly believe that I only have one chemo left! The news was all good this week. Praise God, I got to have the treatment on time, that makes 5 for 5...yea God! The doctor is looking forward, he says I am doing so well that I am on "auto pilot". It was a nice reminder to me that God has been my pilot and He is fighting this battle for me. I am doing quite well, it is Wednesday evening and I am tired, but I have eaten very well and have maintained my walk everyday! God has truly covered me with His grace and mercy. I am slow at writing this because I am VERY distracted by all four of my incredible children and their crazy father! It is great to have them all here, and to have the house full of laughter! I am so thankful for them all and for the laughter that only God can provide at such a time as this. I have an appointment on January 6 with the surgeon, and I have a CT scan on February 2. I should have a date for surgery confirmed some time after the appointment with the surgeon. Dr. Limentani says that is normally 4 to 5 weeks after my last chemo, which is scheduled for January 11. I don't really understand all that is involved in the surgery and the reconstruction and I hope to have a better handle of things after my meeting with the surgeon. Please continue to pray, as always, for the cancer to be completely destroyed and for by body to be completely healed. Pray for the wisdom of Dr. Limentani, Dr. Flippo, all of the related staff and doctors and technicians, and for the logistics of everything. I am praying with believing for my complete healing, and I thank you all for praying with us and for us. Please continue to pray for the Passion 2010 conference, for my strength and protection while I am there, and for all of those college kids who are coming together for God! I am so excited to be a part of it and I am trusting that God will be so powerful and lives will be changed. I am praying for the speakers and worship leaders, and for the many volunteers and worker-bees who will be serving behind the scenes but holding everything together! It is amazing to see how God builds His Kingdom, and that He does is with energized college students and He can even use a broken down cancer patient to His glory! Wow, what a God we serve! Luke 1:37 "For nothing will be impossible with God."

Passion

I had my ten day blood labs today and all was great! I must confess that I am a little weary. My labs were very good, but my body is showing signs of the struggle of this horrible disease and the treatment that is used to defeat it. She told me to expect the next two treatments to "get my attention". She said that the effects will not be any more severe or harsh, just lingering a little longer. I have found that 10 days after my last treatment, I am still a little tired and that nasty taste is still with me. I confess to feeling a little weary, it is frustrating to just feel worn out. I really can't complain, I am getting my walk in every day, and I am not idle. I am very thankful for the protection God has put on me. I am so very thankful that I have not been sick, that my treatments are on track, and that the cancer is being defeated. I have a while to go, I know this is a marathon. I ask for prayer for my strength and perseverence. Please pray for Mason to remain strong and patient with me, I must confess that my weariness has produced a little moodiness and perhaps a mini melt-down or two! Please continue to pray for Jillian, Mason Thomas, Alex, and Madi. Pray that they will continue to trust in the Lord, to feel His comfort and love, and that they will be patient as I bow out of things every now and then. Thank you all for your prayers for each of us, and join us as we praise our faithful Father for His amazing grace and healing power. His hand of mercy is felt by each of us and we are thankful in our praise to Him.
Mason and I signed up to volunteer at Passion 2010 back in the spring. The event is January 2 - 5, we believe we have to be there on December 31. If you don't know what this is, it is a college ministry event that is powerfully impactful. Mason and I have such a heart for this age group and for this particular ministry, I really want to be able to fulfill my commitment. This is going to be a powerful time with the Lord, and I want desperately to be a part of it. Please pray that God will protect me and strengthen me so that I will be able to be there.
I have my next treatment on December 21 as long as my labs are good. Please pray that I will be able to take that treatment on time and that my body will remain strong through it. As always, please pray with believing, that the Lord will defeat every cancer cell and that He will be glorified through this journey. We have so many conversations with so many different people everytime we are at the office for the various visits. I want to reflect the love and grace that has so mercifully been poured on me in every word and every deed. Pray that Mason and I will be obedient to what ever the Lord is leading us to. Pray for Dr. Limentani to be wise and attentive as he cares for me. He is at a breast cancer convention this week, please pray that a cure for this evil disease will be found.
I leave you with a passage that my son reminded me of last night. Isaiah 40:31 "Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary."